Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Catching Up

bobby phil backstage glum
“Ever take a real good look at a zebra?”

“Probably not, Bob.”

“Less horse-like than you’d assume.”


“Proportions are all off.”

“Y’don’t say.”

“You know what tongue is? The Jewish meat?”

“What do you mean ‘what it is?'”

“What tongue’s made out of.”

“Tongue. Tongue is made out tongue.”

“I had no idea.”


“Thought it was a euphemism. It was so salty and good and I kept asking the Jewish guy I was with what it was. I was like, ‘But what is it?’ and he was like, ‘Tongue, Bobby,’ and I’m like, ‘No, what is it made of?’ and he was like, ‘Tongue, Bobby.’ Long lunch, honestly, but so delicious.”


“You’re annoyed.”

“Had to do the show Halloween night?”

“We were thinking about Thanksgiving, but it’s not a real party holiday.”

“Not that. I’m playing across the street that night and you knew it.”

“There’s a perfectly good explanation for that.”


“Billy wanted to show you up.”

“That was the reason I wasn’t supposed to tell people. Dammit, Bobby.”

“Christ, man: I expect this from the two of them, but not you.”

“Should’ve stopped singing.”


“You never stopped singing. I was laid out on that stage like a drunken walrus and you didn’t stop singing.”

“I have told you: I did not want there to be a panic.”


“Who bought you a tongue sandwich?”

“Irving. He’s gonna be our Jew on this one.”

“Your ‘Jew?'”

“Producer, promoter, Peter Shapiro: you know, the Jew. Remember Clive Davis? He was our Jew for a while.”

“Yes, Bob.”

“Bill Graham was our Jew forever.”

“It’s not the concept I don’t understand, Bob.”

“This new one’s okay, I guess. There were the sandwiches.”

“Irving Azoff? That’s your Jew?”

“There ya go. I was thinking Hillel or Akiva, but Irving Azoff sounds much more familiar.”

“That’s a good Jew to have.”

“You could do a lot worse.”


“Benjy, sure.”

“Billy killed him yet?

“Many times.”


  1. Gotta love your neighborhood Jew!!!

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