Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Clause 2: This Time It’s Jurisprudential

“General Washington!”

“Oh, knock it off, Jenkins.”

“Sir, I think we should talk over the Do-Over Clause one more time before we sign the Constitution.”

“Signed? That was the Declaration of Independence, numbskull.”

“What happens to this?”

“Ratified.”

“Oh, that sounds fancy.”

“Get to your point, Jenkins.”

“The Do-Over Clause. There’s more than two months in between the election and inauguration.”

“Four.”

“What, sir?”

“Inauguration was originally in March.”

“March? Why?”

“We live in the past, Jenkins: winter travel is impossible.”

“Right, right. Anyway: I say we stick it in there.”

“What possible need could we have of your ridiculous clause, Jenkins?”

“What if the President-Elect enjoyed being peed on by Communists?”

“What the hell is a Communist?”

“Like a demon, but colder.”

“No one is being peed on by demons, Jenkins!”

“I’d like to be peed on by demons!”

“Shut up, Ben Franklin. Jenkins, the American people do not now and will never in the future require a ‘do-over.’ They shall elect the good, the great, and the forgettable. Human nature shall keep some sort of non-prepared, vainglorious lout with a pickpocket’s heart and a rat’s morals out of office.”

“We are talking about the American people here, right?”

“Shut up, Jenkins.”

“Okay, okay. What about a clause stating that the presidential candidates must release their tax returns?”

“What the hell is a tax return?

“THASS WHEN UNCLE SAM TAKES A BIG OL’ CHOMP OUT THE MONEY YOU MADE SINGIN’ AN’ DOIN’ KARATE.”

Elvis, get out of here!

“COME WITH ME, GEORGE WASHINGTON. THE FUTURE DONE NEEDS YOU, BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE NO SLAVES NO MORE.”

“What the fuck is going on, Jenkins?”

“No idea, General.”

“I don’t need this bullshit. I’m George fucking Washington. Martha!”

“Yes, dear?”

“Fetch the children!”

“We don’t have any, dear.”

“You can have one of mine!”

“Shut up, John Adams.”

2 Comments

  1. This is great stuff.

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    January 12, 2017 at 9:57 am

    Juris presidential?

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