Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Cleveland, City of Light, City Of Magic

“Jenkins!”

“Yes, sir?”

“How’s the Cuyahoga fire coming?”

“It was put out 45 years ago, sir, and several federal agencies were created to make sure it didn’t happen again.”

“I don’t like that, Jenkins.”

“I’m shocked, sir.”

“Fedzilla stomping all over my right to set a river on fire.”

“Not a right, sir.”

“Turning the children into wieners, Jenkins. Soft little wieners. Does a youngster good to see a flaming river every once in a while. Teaches them that life is a battle. Where I grew up, there was a lake that used to coldcock passers-by. Town pool robbed several banks. Bodies of water were tougher back then.”

“Yes, sir.”

“A water fountain touched my sitting-button, Jenkins.”

“Sitting-button, sir?”

“My asshole.”

“Yes, sir.”

“It was pretty much just a bidet, though. Never felt so fresh back there. Ah, nostalgia.”

“Sir, the poster?”

“Poster!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let’s just do words. Why don’t we print John Mayer’s latest interview?”

“Has he just done one?”

“The answer to that question is always ‘yes.’ John Mayer has always just done an interview.”

“He’s voluble, sir.”

“Mm.”

“Garrulous.”

“Ah.”

“Loquacious?”

“One more college word, and I slice you in twain, Jenkins. I will twain you.”

“I don’t know if an all-text poster would work, sir.”

“Fine. No text.”

“We do need to mention the name of the band, sir.”

“Why? The metric shit-ton of bears, roses, turtles, and skeletons we’ve been slathering these things with doesn’t let everyone know?”

“Legal purposes, sir.”

“I went to law school, Jenkins.”

“I didn’t know that, sir.”

“With a rifle. Most productive afternoon of my life.”

“Yes, sir. The poster.”

“Poster! Jenkins, tell me: have we made any posters this go-round that are even slightly attractive?”

“No, sir.”

“Then here is where we shall make our stand.”

“Yes, sir.”

5 Comments

  1. Jesus Christ — these people are so lame: the bolt is feckin’ UPSIDE DOWN on the top skeleton.

  2. hugh.c.mcbride

    June 29, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    So the modern-day version of death & taxes is cockroaches, Keith Richards, & John Mayer doing interviews?

    Gonna have to mull this over for a bit …

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    June 29, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    Dr. John no?

  4. The good legendary dr. John also does the theme song for Curious George kids pbs show. Bruce Cockburn does the theme for Franklin the Turtle kids tv show

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