Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To


Why does this remind me of a pet portrait where the dog’s eyes are obviously focused on a piece of hamburger held up next to the camera? What could so command the attention of Dead & Company? (“Dead & Company: So It’s Come To This.”)

A powerful and stanky-ass doobie? A Kandinsky? The other side of the Kandinsky? Straight cash, homie? Is it the Ghost of Reunion Tours Past?

Did someone off-camera mention that “you guys look like a pair of gay grandpas and their grandson, and also Mickey?”

Has Katy Perry entered–

“Excuse me.”

–the room and removed her…yes?

“That’s not the whole band, is it?”

Who is this? Who am I speaking to?

“I mean: there are others involved in this group?”

There are. Who is this? Jeff Chimenti?

“And the fact that some of us are not involved in the publicity is just sort of, well, interesting.”


“Let’s just call me a supporting player.”


box bobby

Oh, Goddammit.

“I am a Grateful Dead!”

You most certainly are not a Grateful Dead. You are an inanimate object.

“So was Keith!”

Point conceded, but this is weird.

“It’s because I’m red.”

It isn’t.

“If it weren’t for me, Bobby wouldn’t have made it through the Fare Thee Well shows.”

That applies to Billy’s check, too: doesn’t make it a band member.



“You heard me. This disrespect is based in racism.”

The Grateful Dead are not racists: some of their best bass players are black.

“Mm-hmm. And how is that going?”

Great! Been two hours since anyone called him Branford!




  1. That is most definitely not the whole band..

    Love the chair, red lives matter..

    Although Chimenti was low on the mix at times he was so desperately needed at FareTheeWell..

    Chimenti is the keystone to this project

  2. I enjoyed this post almost as much as that Katy Perry gif

  3. “Supporting player,” good. “BIG RED,” better. “I AM,” best.

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