Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Computer, Blue

Okay, Enthusiasts: got a question, a serious one, an honest one. (I reserve the right to stop taking the question seriously at any point, though.)

If my MacBook were a horse, then the French would not eat it: it is strung-out and slipping, and I spend more time with the spinny beachball than I do writing, or enjoying various pornographies. And, you know: that’s pretty much all I do on the computer, with an occasional detour to Salon because I hate myself.

A new device must be procured, and fairly quickly; this is where I reach out to you: what the hell should I get? I’m fairly positive I despise Apple and its overpriced geegaws, but all the other bullshit in my house is from Apple, and I may be trapped into a digicology.

Can I leave Apple? If I do, will they declare me a Suppressive Person like Nicole Kidman? I don’t need that, as I already get mistaken for Nicole Kidman far too much.

A further question: a quick glance at the innertubes shows that there are dozens of non-Apple laptops in the $500 range. My cynicism says that they do the same thing as the Macs costing a grand, but I need someone to confirm this for me. Basically what I’m asking here is for someone to make me believe the same thing about Apple that I already believe about, say, Beats by Dre.

So: recommendations, warnings, plugs? Or–even better–does anyone have an extra new computer lying around? If you did, you could send it to me, and I would not even be mad if you sent it three-day delivery.

(Plus, if you did send me a computer, that would make you just like a De Medici or a Borgia, but not the assassinating and political machinating parts, just the patronage.)


  1. Just get the macbook. Doesn’t need to be an Air or Pro, the recently updated Macbook is pretty solid. You can get last years’ refurb for a few bucks off. If you have connections to academia, there are discounts to be had there as well.

    The $500 machines are going to be Windows machines. Nothing against Windows but it’s something to consider in your purchase.

    I just priced a new laptop for the missus and the PC laptops with same features were roughly the same price.

    • It sounds like price is consideration, and MacBook Airs are less expensive than the regular MacBooks or MacBook Pros.

  2. You may believe you despise apple, and although I am totally bad at words and humorous comparisons, I will try.

    Leaving Apple would be like fleeing Iraq by heading to Syria. In a land of bad places, Mac is the least bad place to be.

    If you get another Mac, you will have an easy migration path for your apps, and software and habits. You will have a comfortable backup route, your pictures and ITunes will roll forward with you.

    If you get something else for $500 bucks you will have pain adjusting.

    That said, they are budget busters.

    • Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

      May 4, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      I gotta agree – if you are all Apple, you probably should stay Apple.

      (posted from Syraq, where we are fenetre’d.)

  3. Typewriter + smartphone w/camera + girlfriend (not wife).
    Maybe some good external speakers and connection for phone…

  4. mrcompletely

    May 4, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    I personally will never buy another Apple product if I can possibly avoid it, but it’s often a good choice for someone who either doesn’t want to know anything at all about how computers work, or someone that works on a command line all the time.

    Sadly, they have successfully made it VERY hard to migrate off their heavily silo’d platform.

  5. SWAGGIE maggie

    May 4, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    I will sell you my old MacBook for $200. It’s a piece of shit.

  6. Good luck.

  7. mrcompletely

    May 4, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    And no, as a hardened Apple cynic I wouldn’t equate them to Beats. Beats are actively bad; they have distortion/heavy EQ built in and poor build quality. Apple hardware is still basically fine, even if their software seems to get worse with every iteration.

    It’s overpriced stuff, and has other negative qualities, but it’s not a terrible failure of consumer education to own Apple by any means. It’s a reasonable choice given certain parameters.

    Beats, on the other hand, mean “I did literally no research and/or don’t care about sound quality at all; I bought these as a fashion accessory”

  8. I used to work fixing Windows PCs, so I recommend buying a Mac if you can afford it. If you can’t afford a Mac windows 10 is not as bad as, maybe, you have heard, but it is a transition. Also, I can’t stress strongly enough, by a major brand, and not a generic PC. Used or refurbished PCs are risky if you are not knowledgeable on PCs and how to repair them. Just my 2 cents.

  9. Luther Von Baconson

    May 4, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    “Ludovico, il Moro-The Black One. His hair was long-eh and cur-leigh…..”

    Remington Royal

  10. Toomanyroads

    May 4, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    My wife just switched from laptops (had experience with a few different brands provided by employers) to a 2014 Mac Book Pro. It’s been nothing but incredible for her compared to laptops. She’s a convert. And I have to admit, waving her use it I’m thinking about one for myself.

  11. My user names are all about apple getting F’ed with a long pole so I remember what they are when asked. Why I am putting up with their terrible product? Why do I refuse to update any of their products?…It’s like they are purposely trying to make it worse with each new version.
    That said, I just bought a desktop for $1.2k and it is super fast and easy. I just take it since I have no recourse.

  12. I think Mr. Hanson’s analogy seems spot on, “In a land of bad places, Mac is the least bad place to be.”

    You don’t have to spend a grand. New 11.6 Macbook Airs are $900. Close enough I know, so Apple also has certified refurbished laptops starting at $760.

    Their refurbished items come with a one year warranty.

  13. Thanks all, I’m thinking about this question to, and you all said a lot of serious-sounding computer words.

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