Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Concepts Billy Has Punched In The Dick

  • Tuesday
  • Lycanthropy
  • Euler’s Law
  • All the noble gases except Radon because it is sneaky.
  • The metaphorical “Chinese Wall” that exists (or used to exist) between the editorial and advertising departments of a newspaper.
  • The 1981 San Diego Padres’ locker room morale level.
  • Almost all of the characters in the fourth Harry Potter book. It’s in there, go check: it’s during the part where Obi-Wan doesn’t tell Harry something for some stupid reason, so it takes 500 pages and the awkward blossoming of puberty to get to the point. Billy leaps out of a fireplace or a painting or something and gets all DICKUS PUNCHUS for three or four pages and then Hermione defeats him finds with something she found in a book because she was the only semi-competent character in the series, but she didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.
  • Seriously: that’s what morons everyone else in the Harry Potter series is: Hermione saves the day at least a dozen times with cunning use of the card catalogue.
  • The space in time only accessible to pole vaulters and drunken rednecks when you become weightless under your own power.
  • Anti-Billy in his anti-dick. (Luckily, Anti-Billy was–at that precise instant–anti-punching regular Billy in his regular dick. It all cancelled out and Billy blamed the ensuing fire on Garcia.)
  • Sweden.
  • The teachings of Avicenna.
  •  The name “Ed.” Not people with that name: the name itself. Also, quite a few people with that name.
  • All of Justin’s imaginary friends.
  • The Weimar Republic.
  • The Weimaraner Republic. (One time, Billy got drunk with William Wegman and it ended with Billy being bitten rather badly and none of the photos coming out well.)
  • Wine and bananas at Publix. (This other time, Billy got shitty on stolen wine and bananas at a popular Florida supermarket chain and actually punched the concept of “buy one, get one free” in the dick. The best guess physicists could make was that Billy was simultaneously occupying six different realities/narratives and had just hallucinated a couple of “yeah, buts” into the Laws of Physics.)
  • Agriculture.


  1. Somewhat on topic.. do you know whatever came of Mickey’s arrest in KY for assault a couple of years ago? I can’t find anything on it.

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