Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Cooped Up

bobby anderson cooper2

“Bob, I’d like to go home. Or leave this place. I don’t understand it.”

“Yeah, sure. Lotta people are like that at first. Chimenti hates it in here. Gives him the heebie-jeebies. Meyers loves it, though. Kid likes being looked at.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Semi-fictionality.”

“Stop saying that word that isn’t a word.”

“Coop–”

“Don’t call me that.”

“–there’s more to the real world than there seems. No. Wait. The real world is exactly like it seems. That’s why it’s the real world. It’s just that there’s other realities.”

“Bob.”

“Just because a reality isn’t official doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist is what I’m getting at.”

“Bob.”

“And your reality–that’s the official one I was talking about–got a bit shanghaied by a fictional one. But you’re still Bradley Cooper–”

“Close enough.”

“–and maintain the essential character thereof. Thus: semi-fictionality.”

“You mean fan-fiction?”

It’s not fan-fiction, you shallow jackass!

“WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?”

“The narrator. Ignore him.”

“Okay. Okay. I am clearly either having a psychotic break or a very vivid dream; either way, I’m gonna go with it.”

“Great idea. Much smoother that way.”

“How did I get in here?”

“My best guess is you got swept up in that rando glitch. Time stopped being linear, and got a little quadrilinear.”

“What does that mean?”

“It went in four directions.”

“Obviously.”

“And, you know: things get tangled like that, it has repercussions down the line. Innocent people get involved, and they usually are very confused.”

“Count me as one of them. So: we are in a ‘rando glitch’ and time has stopped working right? Is that what you’re saying to me?”

“Well, I said it better, but: yeah, mostly. No worries, though. Got a guy on the way.”

“A guy? To do what?”

“Listen, Coop: what I’m about to say is going to sound strange–”

“What you’re about to say?”

“–but the Dead kinda has a time machine. A sheath, if we’re being accurate.”

“A time sheath.”

“It’s capitalized.”

“A Time Sheath.”

“Yeah.”

“What does it look like? I’m having trouble picturing it.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Fine. But this whatever-it-is can fix whatever-this-is?”

“If it can’t, then nothing can.”

“That’s a bit of a deus ex machina, isn’t it, Bob?”

“No, no. Not at all. It’s just a machine with godly powers that alters the plot at will.”

“Right. And where is it?”

“Warehouse in Marin. Well, it was. On the way as we speak.”

“That’s great. I mean, I still think I’m dreaming, but that’s great. Four, five-hour flight? Great.”

“Oh, no. No flying. Can’t take a Time Sheath on a plane.”

“Why not?”

“Afraid of heights.”

“The Time Sheath is sentient.”

“Of course it is.”

“But it’ll be here soon. Organization’s best man is behind the wheel.”

“Driving? That’ll take forever!”

“He knows a shortcut.”

8 Comments

  1. Admittedly I’m visiting a new baby so emotions are running high but “he knows a short cut” put a lump in my throat for a second.

  2. Robin Russell

    May 19, 2016 at 3:18 am

    Yep. Couldn’t find a better courier. Can’t wait to see how this turns out.

  3. So glad that Coop is on board, he sort of fits in. He does things strangely yet manages to get people to pay him. A lot like Bobby and everyone.

  4. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    May 20, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    That’s a color photo, too!

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