Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Dark Magus

I had a watch like that.

“Mine cost $800, motherfucker.”

Mine didn’t.

“Checkmate. You ever stay in your house for five years having freaky sex and doing cocaine?”

No.

“It’s worth trying. I had a good time. White women would bring me money. I liked that. They would do things on one another, and that interested me. Taking a lot of pills at the time. Think I killed a maid.”

You think you killed a maid?

“I told you, motherfucker: I was taking a lot of pills.”

You did tell me that.

“Place got messy, but I didn’t care. A Jewish fellow bought me a piano to try to get me to play again.”

That was nice of him.

“I think I killed him, too.”

You really did have a dark period.

“Couldn’t handle the music business no more. Too many people using their Jewishness on me.”

Uh-huh.

“Exhausting. That’s all the music business is: Jew magic.”

Please stop.

“Black man and the Jew are natural allies, but Jews don’t see it that way. Look in the mirror and think they’re white. This makes them side with their oppressor. Changing their names and shit. Had an accountant try to introduce himself to me as Mr. Adams. I said, ‘Motherfucker, your middle name’s Adam. Your last name’s Boogershmitz or some bullshit. I see your hair, motherfucker.’ That angers me. Even if I could pass for a white man, I fucking wouldn’t. I would feel dirty inside.”

You’re a man of principle, Mr. Davis.

“I got principle like a motherfucker, yeah.”

“Now you have new rhythm section, Miles David.”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Is Putin. Am jazzbo.”

“You can’t be in my band, motherfucker.”

“Da. Putin is in Third Great Quintet.”

“Go fuck yourself, Boris. And what the fuck is that thing with the bass?”

“Is Crazy Ivan. Is so funky.”

“Fuck him, too.”

“WAAAAAAAH!”

“Vhy you make Crazy Ivan cry?”

“Because fuck him, that’s why.”

“Stop being ungrateful, Miles David.”

“Fuck this. I’m going back in my house for another five years.”

“You can nyet go to house. Ve have gig at Plugged Nickel.”

“Take that ugly motherfucker and play it yourfuckingself.”

“WAAAAAAAH!”

“Nyet cry, Ivan. He lie. You beautiful.”

“No, you ain’t.”

“WAAAAAAAH!”

“Ve are now enemy, Miles David.”

“Suck my dick, bitch.”

2 Comments

  1. I like the way Mr. Davis handles Putin.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    September 26, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    “can buy CD. kindly at merch table. say hello to Uncle Vanya selling Ivan ‘n’ Vlad blouses”

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