Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

David Clarke’s Medals, Explained

  1. Epaulets of Distinction.
  2. Little Orphan Annie Decoder Pin.
  3. Found it in a Blimpie’s restroom.
  4. American flag.
  5. Sassy American flag.
  6. Dime hot-glued to coat.
  7. The only badge that Officer Tom is actually supposed to be wearing.
  8. Something something 9/11.
  9. Starfleet comm badge.
  10. Received from local Hells Angel chapter when he went down on a menstruating woman at a party.
  11. Hatchetman.
  12. Holy shit, another fucking American flag.
  13. Backup sheriff’s star in case the primary one is killed in the line of duty.
  14. Received in honor of killing his first inmate.
  15. Name tag.
  16. Ribbon, but not for AIDS. (Seriously: NOT for AIDS.)
  17. Shiny button his mother gave him to remind him to hate.
  18. HYDRA pin.
  19. Long Jump Champ, Camp Cuyahoga, 1973.
  20. If you look closely, it says “CLASSY GUY,” because that’s what he is and he’s not afraid to let you know it.
  21. Half-a-jellybean.


  1. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    May 27, 2017 at 9:45 am

    He also has a “Truckin'” pin (under the left lapel), a ticket stub from 7/19/89 in his wallet, a “Cosmic Charlie” campaign sticker, and, a leftover from a “kind veggie burrito” in the right chest pocket (he doesn’t know it’s there!).

    • Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

      May 27, 2017 at 10:23 am

      Oh, yes – underneath, he is wearing a pre-release Brewers tee from the August 9 game.

  2. Running out of derisive descriptors for this gang of thugs so I’ll go with deplorable.

    Pig is passe but is ripe for a comback.

  3. Who shot j. R. —And what da fuk is #22?

    Inquiring minds want to know.

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