Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Dead & Company 2049

“I’d like you to meet my secret, Mexican family.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. None of these people are secret or Mexican. These people are whiter than an envelope factory.

“You’re right. This is Team Mayer.”

You should make some trades. I think this team needs a rebuilding year.

“Nah. We’re a finely-tuned machine. All the way on the right there is Stubby Maybelline. He’s my personal croupier.”

Why do you have a personal croupier?

“Never know when the bones are gonna call.”


“Next to him is the Human Post-It.”

I don’t get it.

“Those aren’t tattoos; they’re, like, notes I wrote to myself. ‘Pick up milk, bang Demi Lovato’ that sort of thing. Sometimes, I just doodle on him while I’m on the phone.”

Doesn’t seem cost-efficient.

“And next to him, of course, is Pete Ulrich.”

Who’s that?

“Skeet’s younger, far less talented brother.”


“Jumpsuit Jean, the Jumpsuit Queen.”

Obviously. And her purpose is?


Right. What about the beardo?

“That’s Not Your Father’s Gorton’s Fisherman.”

I’ll say.

“No, that’s his name. Not Your Father’s Gorton’s Fisherman. Gorton’s did a rebrand of their corporate logo and they’re paying me a million bucks to cross-promote it.”

Nice work if you can get it.

“Plus a  truckful of fishsticks. You know the saying, ‘They’ll back the Brinks truck up to your door?’ Well, they did, but the truck was full of breaded cod or whatever the fuck it is.”

I’m going to go back to ignoring you until the next time you’re a Grateful Dead again.

“Cool. See you Friday in Boston.”



  1. TooMany Roads

    March 5, 2018 at 6:57 am

    Who are those two guys to th3cright of Mayer? They keep popping up and it’s getting weird.

  2. 21st Century Dead

    March 5, 2018 at 8:17 am

    *Thursday in Boston

  3. Hat is sad making.

  4. Thought dude was wearing an Owsley buckle. Got all mad. Haha. I am a weirdo.

  5. Okay,

    I know it is rude to judge people just by photos, but I hope they don’t take it personally but here is my take.

    That Beardo in front is the only one I would choose to hang out with.

    From the beard to the, Gilligan hat, to the floral crotch patch.

    If he is working “for” those guys designing shit, then he should leave and go out on his own, he is obviously the talented one.

    If they were a band, he would be the “guy” and they would all just be riding the coat-tails.

    Not to mention he actually eats food not sure what the others do to get through the day but it does not appear to involve breakfast.

  6. Very strong field competing in the Worst Hat category

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