Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Deep Conversation, Shallow Grave


You look so wholesome.

“It’s the boots.”

Shouldn’t you clothe yourself?

“Shouldn’t you not tell women what to wear?”

I didn’t mean it that way.

“How did you mean it?”

You’re standing in a sandstorm.

“My outfit is modeled on Bedouin garb.”


“This is what they wear under all the flowing bullshit.”

Wow, didn’t know that. What do you get out of Burning Man?

“What you put into it. And what it puts into you. And what others put into you. One becomes semi-permeable, is my point.”

Your underwear has pockets.

“They’re tactical panties.”

What do you fear?

“That ambition is hollow, and the future dull. The blind curve. And overhead fans you turn on by pulling the little chain; I always thought I might pull the whole ceiling down by accident.”

Is your strength that great?

“No, but workmanship can be that shoddy.”

What’s the 121st greatest Bruce Springsteen song?

“The one about the car and the girl.”


“I have a boyfriend.”


“Doesn’t have to be bad news for you.”


Is he dead?

“He needs to be buried. Dead? I’m not a doctor. He needs to be buried.”

And then you’ll be my girlfriend?

“Sure, yeah.”

Let’s bury this chomper.

“Yay! I promise I won’t kill you, too, and toss you next to him in the grave you dig.”


“Nothing. I think you’re handsome.”


“Yes. Get the shovel, baby.”


  1. Why do you keep doing this? This is really just sexist at this point

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      September 14, 2016 at 2:01 am

      How so?

      • You’re saying that all the “pretty girls” end up dating creeps and stupid burnt-out hippies. Gives off a strong “all girls date douchebags” vibe.

        Feminist reader here.

        And yes, I’ll still read your blog. I’ll always love it; it’s special to me. Sorry otherwise.

        • Thoughts On The Dead

          September 14, 2016 at 2:06 am

          I thought the humor came from the fact that none of these women would ever talk to these guys, and rightfully so in most cases.

          But you may be right.

          • Fair point. I never looked at it that way.

            I think women are a little more complex than that, though. But I dunno. I’m not really one yet.

  2. Dido, Reginae Karthago

    September 14, 2016 at 2:13 am

    … That guy really does look like my cousin K.C.

    Physically 40, mentally 22. Love that man.

  3. Dido, Regina Karthagi

    September 14, 2016 at 2:14 am

    Oh man I fucked up my username. I think it should be Karthagi. Sorry, super immersed in Aeneid right now. Hello, comments section folks!

  4. First thought, since Maggie has elevated the conversation I will have two thoughts.

    Note* Sometimes theraflu, caffeine and my adhd meds combine to make me ramble.. see below.

    Thought one:
    You have made this bit your bitch, you used to be the bit’s Bitch, but now sir it is your Bitch. Well done, it is the philosophy that makes it perhaps?

    *note…. man I am sexist calling things someones Bitch.. I will atone for my sins by another donation to the Human Rights Campaign, oh and I was for the ERA, FYI. Sorry donate button, you lose. You are sexist donate button.

    I thought the humor of the post was the quest for Love and Companionship and how ridiculous it can be. So many relationships, and false starts, twisted and mired in confusion and lack of clarity due to the inability to really succeed in communicating with another person. In particular the misreading of your partners, other partners and what is going on one person removed.

    Sure in the end we may get some semblance of actual relating, but it is hard fought. And when it goes wrong, and you ask the other what they thought happened, you realize that although both experiences happened in the same space and time, you both lived completely different realities.

    So yea.. this shit is funny, really funny.

    Also.. the ladies are smart and attractive, and the guys are complete idiots. Is that a bad sexist thing? Sure the overdoing of the attractive thing can be a bad thing, but all good so far. Besides in a visual medium where he wants to present the lady as desirable, physical is just about all he has.

    Perhaps Maggie should do some comedy on good guys liking bad woman. It happens just as often. I am sure that Maggie has lost a crush or two to some conniving, cheating, swindling, shallow other person.

    Like the time Maggie left ToTD for a fling with Grateful Dean. See how that worked out.

    –okay I need to relax now–

    • Dido, Regina Karthagi

      September 14, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      See, what I’m trying to say is that this rhetoric implies that an intelligent, attractive man deserves a woman who is equally so. Like because she is hot she can’t possibly date some stupid burnout. It sounds like TotD is whining, “It’s not fair! That guy is a waste of space! Why won’t you date ME?!”

      And I get that that happens when you know somebody in real life, but when it’s with somebody you don’t even know a single thing about, that’s just… Wrong. Sexist. Women get enough shit as it is! And no, I will not back down! I am officially an angry feminist!

      • It’s official ?

        You Go Maggie !!!

        Never Back down !!

        I think his portrayal of Men as Captain Fucks is misandrous, and I would stand up, but my aggressive territorial wife might read these posts and smash my computer. Then she would come for Maggie and ToTD.

        OMG, that was so sexist, this sexism is like herpes, once you have it, you have it.

  5. Luther Von Baconson

    September 14, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Buddy (K.C. ?) got nice blue eyes. It might just work out.

  6. These have been the funniest posts. (Followed closely by Katydoodle and Josh). And they’re very funny. Humor. Just plain humor. I look forward to them. Something to make you laugh. And not be over-fucking-thought to fucking death.

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