Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Dizzy, Dean

“He still doing that bullshit?”


“Can’t fucking look at him when his face does that shit, man. I was riding my horse once. Caught my nuts between my thigh and the saddle. That’s what my shit looked like for a week. Darker, though. Dizzy’s a light-skinned brother. Can get away with shit motherfuckers my complexion can’t. Ain’t that a bitch? White people hate you cause you’re black. Black people hate you cause you’re black, too. Try wrapping your head around that shit.”

The issue of darkly-complected vs. lightly-complected African-Americans has been chronicled for years by–


“Don’t pull your college boy shit on me. I went to college, too, motherfucker.”

You went to Julliard. And you dropped out.

“Had too many gigs. Playing all night ’til the sun comes up, then gotta go all the way ‘cross town to sit there in a room full of ofays that can’t hold my dick listening to some motherfucker with a beard try to teach me Itsy-Bity fucking Spider or some bullshit. They tried to give me grades.”

Your teachers? That’s what they’re supposed to do.

“Give me a grade? Give me a motherfucking grade? Shit, even when I got an A, I was pissed off. Who the fuck told you to grade me? I got an A? You think I did good work? Good. Gimme some money or some pussy. Fuck your grade. That angered me.”

I can see that.

“Question of authority. Who got it over who. Whom. White motherfuckers love saying ‘whom.’ Whole race of motherfuckers get their dicks hard from grammar. White man’s never happier than when he’s correcting someone about some shit that don’t mean shit.”

You did hire quite a few white guys to play in your bands over the years, though.

“Course I did. They could play. Don’t care if a motherfucker’s purple if he can play. I hire who the fuck I want. White, black, whatever.”

What about a woman?

“Fuck, no.”

Saw that coming.

“And I wouldn’t hire no Puerto Ricans. Not to be rude with the situation going on, but I gotta tell the truth. Can’t hire a Puerto Rican.”

I can’t believe I’m humoring this, but why?

“Unpredictable motherfuckers. White man, black man? You can guess their next move. Puerto Rican? Might just snap and start stabbing motherfuckers in their assholes.”

Very inappropriate.

“You see my cuff?”

On the suit?


I do. What about it?

“See how it’s a real button instead of that cheap glued-on shit?”


“So, shut the fuck up with calling me inappropriate.”

That’s a terrible argument.


That’s a good one.

“Always works, yeah.”



  1. i wonder what would happen if miles and elvis had a conversation

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