Hey, Your Holiness. Whatcha doing?

“Is-a da publicity stunt. Can I be-a honest with you?”


“Is-a my least favorite part of-a da job. Praying? Si, si. Comfort-a da sick? Oh, si. I love-a to comfort da sick. I see a guy with-a da weird face, I hug-a da guy. You bring-a me da Elephant Man, I’m-a gonna wash his feet. Love-a to comfort da sick. But-a dis? Is-a no job for-a da Pope.”

Well, if it makes any difference, this is a Formula E car.

“I no-a know what dis is.”

They’re electric. You’ve made Climate Change a big part of your papacy, so this is right up your alley.

“Si? Is-a da big go-kart?”

Yup. Plug it right into the wall, then it does 200 miles an hour. Actually, it’s a European sport, so the car does 200 kilometers per hour. Or whatever.

“Da future is-a here, now.”


“And-a who drives?”

Oh, it’s still pretty guys from rich families.

“Is-a tradition. Soccer is for-a da people, but racing is-a only for some of da people.”

Twas ever thus.

“In-a Argentina, we race-a da horses. Big-a horse country.”

Did you ever ride, Your Holiness?

“No, no. Is-a tough to ride-a da horse in-a da cassock. Gotta sit side-saddle. Is-a no a good look.”

True. Weird question.

“I heard-a dem all.”

What kind of blessing do you say over a race car?

“Is-a no specific prayer in-a da Bible. Mostly, I just-a make up stuff in Latin. Talk about what’s-a for lunch, that sort-a da thing.”

And everyone’s happy afterwards.

“Si, si. Why-a not?”