Hey, Your Holiness. Whatcha doing?
“Is-a da publicity stunt. Can I be-a honest with you?”
“Is-a my least favorite part of-a da job. Praying? Si, si. Comfort-a da sick? Oh, si. I love-a to comfort da sick. I see a guy with-a da weird face, I hug-a da guy. You bring-a me da Elephant Man, I’m-a gonna wash his feet. Love-a to comfort da sick. But-a dis? Is-a no job for-a da Pope.”
Well, if it makes any difference, this is a Formula E car.
“I no-a know what dis is.”
They’re electric. You’ve made Climate Change a big part of your papacy, so this is right up your alley.
“Si? Is-a da big go-kart?”
Yup. Plug it right into the wall, then it does 200 miles an hour. Actually, it’s a European sport, so the car does 200 kilometers per hour. Or whatever.
“Da future is-a here, now.”
“And-a who drives?”
Oh, it’s still pretty guys from rich families.
“Is-a tradition. Soccer is for-a da people, but racing is-a only for some of da people.”
Twas ever thus.
“In-a Argentina, we race-a da horses. Big-a horse country.”
Did you ever ride, Your Holiness?
“No, no. Is-a tough to ride-a da horse in-a da cassock. Gotta sit side-saddle. Is-a no a good look.”
True. Weird question.
“I heard-a dem all.”
What kind of blessing do you say over a race car?
“Is-a no specific prayer in-a da Bible. Mostly, I just-a make up stuff in Latin. Talk about what’s-a for lunch, that sort-a da thing.”
And everyone’s happy afterwards.
“Si, si. Why-a not?”