Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Beliefs Besides “John McCain Is Not A War Hero” That Might Impede His Presidential Run

  • George Washington can go fuck himself.
  • Bald eagles are homos.
  • Phantom Menace was the good one.
  • I hate donuts! (Licks America.)
  • British soldiers should be quartered in private homes.
  • I intend on messing with Texas.
  • People should give a cricket a chance.
  • Pizza is to be eaten with a knife and fork.
  • Something something black people.
  • Communism works on paper.
  • Jesus? Eh.
  • We can really learn a lot from this year’s Eurovision winner.
  • Maybe this July Fourth: something other than fireworks, huh?
  • Third time’s the charm on Iraq.
  • The greatest country in the world? Well, that doesn’t mean anything, man. Like: what’s the rubric on that one? We’re America, bro: good at some stuff, not-so-good at other stuff. We don’t take care of each other right and the bridges are crumbling, first of all. Gonna take a lot of people with a lot of love for their country a lot of years of a lot of hard work to effect a substantive and positive change, but we can do it. We’re motherfucking Americans, hombre: first Protestants on the moon. We can do whatever we want. But “greatest country in the world?” That’s not actually a thing.
  • All Mexicans are arsonists.


  1. A smoldering volcano of stoopid under that toupee.

  2. Establishment of the Bureau Of Unicorn Combovers

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