Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To Back Issues Of The Amazing Spider-Man

  • From the Depths of Defeat, Lee/Romita 1967 (“Obviously, I’ve always been in the lead because I’m going to win, but these polls today have me leading. And this is CNN, which is a disgusting network that might as well show porno movies. That’s how disgusting CNN is. Many people have forgotten that I have a young child, and he is not allowed to watch CNN. Just cartoons, and he is the best at watching cartoons. I no longer have time for cartoons or political correctness, but if I did, I would be better than my son at watching cartoons. Maybe someone should drop an anvil on Hillary Clinton?”
  • The Choice and the Challenge, DeFalco/Frenz 1985 (“The choice is life and death. Believe me, life and death. You got me, a successful businessman, very successful, and you have Crooked Hillary, who was the worst Secretary of State we’ve ever had. One we got now is no prize. Frankenstein. The guy’s got that head, y’know? Not great. He goes to Easter Island, they bury him. Terrible head. The challenge? Election’s most likely rigged. Gotta be honest! We’ll know if I don’t win. Look at the rallies I have with 20,000, 100,000 people, a million people. Crooked Hillary took two questions and hacked up a lung. Sick!”)
  • The Tarantula is a Very Deadly Beast, Conway/Andru 1975 (“Also deadly is cancer, which Hillary Clinton may have. Yesterday, she sits down. Sits right down, and none of the media covers that. Chair, boom. Not one story, and I have known many people with cancer and they all sit down. Not presidential, nothing about her. Face. Voice. Wherever. Was she exposed to chemicals when she was washing her computers in acid? Dying Hillary needs to release all of her e-mails, even the ones she destroyed. Why will Dying Hillary, who is dying, not release her e-mails that no longer exist?”)
  • Warfare on the Great White Way! Wein/Andru 1977 (“That’s what it seems like! Where are the jobs? Mexico, which I will also make great again, too. China, who laughs at us and treats Obama like a dog. And you know how they treat their dogs. Might as well have eaten him for all the respect they show him. No stairs for the plane. Gets to the hotel, they lost his reservation. Orders orange chicken, they bring him sweat-and-sour. No respect! When I’m president, I make China pay for my stairs. I’m gonna build a staircase, the most beautiful staircase you’ve ever seen, just tremendous, and China’s gonna pay for it. First day.”)
  • California Schemin’! Michelinie/McFarlane  1988 (“Scheming is a good word for it, what Hillary did with her phones. 520 phones, and 1,800 tablets. That’s how many devices she went through in two years. Were they burners? Hillary Clinton goes down to the bodega and buys burner phones, and then she has her Clinton Foundation assassinate people and start earthquakes. I have heard from many people that the Clinton Foundation is responsible for that earthquake in Italy.”)
  • Kraven the Hunter, Lee/Ditko 1964 (“Good way to describe Hillary. She is craven, and she hunts. Hunts for donations. Hunts for dictators to cozy up to, hunts for new ways to hurt the blacks, who I love now. I have always loved the blacks, but I just decided to start talking about it. Before this, the blacks could just sense my deep feelings for them. I wish they all weren’t in poverty, but they are, very poor the blacks. I will put the blacks to work on the wall, good work for them, very strong the blacks. The blacks build it, Mexico pays for it, border patrol stands on top of it shooting Muslims. Maybe the blacks could shoot the Muslims, whatever. Mexico pays.”)
  • In the Grip of the Goblin, Lee/Ditko 1971 (“Crooked Hillary is almost certainly a goblin, but drugs are the real goblin here. How do they get here? Across the border. Bad people, who I am going to stop, bring it. Heroin, very sad. Who’s selling it? The Mexicans who are not raping. That’s what they do! Rape, drugs, sleep. Rape, drugs, sleep. No job! Rape, drugs, sleep. Now, the crooked media is going to spin that like I said something bad. Some Mexicans, I assume, are not drug dealing rapists who don’t have jobs and are taking our jobs. Some. Most? Eh. Some.”)
  • Nothing Can Stop the Juggernaut! Stern/Romita Jr. 1982 (“I’m that! Me, juggernaut, sure. Florida, Texas, all of them. I might win all 50 states, that’s what a lot of people are predicting. New York goes for Trump, believe me. Not a landslide like the other states, but a good victory in New York. CNN has a poll that puts me up, and all the other polls are rigged against me. CNN’s polls used to be rigged against me, but they made them fair. Good job, honest. Polls are wrong because the media, who are the real racists, have made voter afraid that they’ll be called racist if they support me publicly. They point fingers–racist this, racist that–but no one can explain to me how banning all Muslims from the country is racist. Muslim is not a race! Neither is Mexican, and they’re also banned from the country.”)
  • Dead of Winter, Wells, Bachalo 2008 (“Cyber is a thing. Very big thing, and they’re getting in through the internet. Maybe I need to have Mexico build a wall for the internet, too. Mexico is like the eighth wonder of the world. Pyramids, Grand Canyon, Trump Tower, bunch of other stuff, Mexico. They’re doing great! Factories, jobs, zorros. Mexico’s got zorros everywhere now, and who’s paying for it? We are, when they sell us the drugs that pay for their zorros. We get the rapists, they get the zorros. Not a good deal!”)
  • Stegron Stalks the City, Wein/Andru 1977 (“So, cyber. Big, huge, cyber. ISIS, which was started by Obama and Hillary personally, loves the cyber. Twitter, they love that. I am the best at Twitter, but ISIS is getting very big. They they get likes, they get retweets, and they feel good about themselves, and they blow up a Dunkin Donuts. Where are they getting cell phones from? Soldiers used to have rifles, now they have cell phones. Where’d ISIS get cell phones? Did Hijab Hillary, who is also a Secret Muslim like the president, buy ISIS their phones at the same time she bought her burner phones? This is what we’re sending up against Putin?”)
  • To Prowl No More, Lee/Buscema 1969 (“Iran was very weak, but we made them strong. Used to be nothing, nothing. Couldn’t beat Saddam Hussein, very weak. Ten years! Saddam came in, he does the gas, boom boom boom, and where is Iran? Nowhere. In the dirt. Well, sand. And money, now. $400 million. Obama flew the plane himself, right over Teheran. Scattered cash out the window, and also weapons. Did Obama personally give the Iranians plutonium? Many people have said he did. That’s just psychology.”)

1 Comment

  1. NoThoughtsOnDead

    September 7, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    “Orders orange chicken, they bring him sweat-and-sour. No respect!” That’s no typo, that’s the sweaty dreck they bring to Obama!

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