Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To Current Vegas Productions

  • Anthony Cools: The Uncensored Hypnotist, Paris Las Vegas. (“Many people are trying to censor me. Call me racist. Anti-Semitic. That’s censorship. Not gonna give in! Someone’s gotta tell the country what’s happening. Crooked, lying, cheating, dishonest, smelly Hillary isn’t going to. The unfair media isn’t, because they’re unfair. Can’t trust them. Were they born unfair? Where was the media born, anyway? Have we ever seen the media’s birth certificate? Media could be secret Muslims. We don’t know!”)
  • Thunder From Down Under, Excalibur. (“Why do they lie about Trump? The media says I love Saddam Hussein. They lie. Of course I hate Saddam Hussein. Bad guy! But he was great at killing terrorists. I am going to be better at it, but he was very good. Also a good dad. Strict but fair. Boys turned out well. Strong. Remind me of Donald, Jr. and Eric. Same chin, too. Look at my handsome boys. I am much more handsome, but they are just great-looking. Not like Ivanka, though. No boobs. Neither of my sons have boobs, but my daughter has big ones. I might make Ivanka’s boobs my vice-president. How about that? Should I make my daughter’s boobs vice-president?”)
  • Siegfried and Roy’s Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat, Mirage. (“Remember what that tiger did to Roy? That’s what Crooked Hillary wants to do to America. She wants to bite through America’s skull with her giant teeth. Like she did to Vince Foster. That’s what she’ll do to the Supreme Court. I have inside information about her choices. I have best inside information. No one’s information is more inside than mine. Crooked Hillary, who is a thief, plans on nominating very unfair judges. Real loser judges. I will not tell you who they are, but one is a black. I guess with Crooked Hillary, black judges matter. Nominating a black to the Supreme Court is racist against white judges. She’s the racist.”)
  • David Copperfield, MGM Grand. (“Good friend. Jew. See? How can I be an anti-Semite when I’m friends with David Copperfield? I know many Jewish magicians. I know Jewish producers, and accountants, and jewelers. Great friends, great Jews. When the media twists things around and dares to call Donald Trump–how do you do that? My son-in-law is Jewish, and I mean Jewish. Very Jewish. Disappears on Saturdays, the whole thing. My son-in-law’s father went to jail for fraud, which is the most Jewish thing to go to jail for. My daughter Ivanka is now a very beautiful Jew, but not really. You know. She made a great deal.”)
  • Million Dollar Quartet, Harrah’s. (“Chuck Todd has a face like a Scottish woman’s private parts. I’ll say it. That’s one of the things that’s wrong with the country, people not saying things like that. The forces of political correctness want me to not tell you that Chuck Todd looks like a ginger vagina, and that Obama has secretly imported five million Syrian refugees. This is true. This is a true fact. I have seen the refugees, and all of them looked like terrorists. Obama is bringing ten million refugees here, and giving them guns and the key to your front door. You are all going to be raped. Many people are aware that Obama is paying foreigners to rape America.”)
  • Zumanity by Cirque du Soleil, New York, New York. (“What does a star have to do with Jews? Are Jews astronomers? Is it a Hollywood thing? I know the Jews run Hollywood, but they do a very good job. Great Jews out there, but New York has the best Jews. A star. Really? This is what we’re getting all crazy about? A star is just a shape. A shape. Like when I tweet about gay rights, I’ll use an upside-down triangle. Just a shape. Should never have deleted it. Great tweet. I have the best non-racist tweets. Should have re-tweeted myself, not deleted it. When I’m the president, I’m gonna tweet all the time. Tweets you can be proud of.”)
  • Blue Man Group, Luxor. (“How can people call me anti-Semitic when I have never called anyone a kike in public? If I were anti-Semitic, I would be the best at it. Hitler was a very bad man, very bad, but he was the best at being anti-Semitic. No one hated Jews like Hitler. He won that game. I love Jews. Do you know there are Mexican Jews? I would let them in. They’re all right. Being Jews makes the Mexican part better. Not rapists. Mexicans love to rape, but not Mexican Jews. Mostly homos, actually.”)
  • Britney: Piece of Me, Hard Rock Hotel. (“I banged her. Back when she was hot. Spectacular body, just great. Great ass, but not as good as my wife Melania, who has been acknowledged as one of the great beauties. What we got now? Not great. Not great. Michelle Obama from behind? Not a pretty picture. My wife is much more attractive than Obama’s. Have we seen Michelle’s birth certificate? I have read in many places that she was born in Madagascar and is secretly a lemur. How do we know that Michelle Obama isn’t a secret lemur? We don’t. We don’t.”)
  • Olivia Newton-John, Flamingo. (“Banged her, too. Before the cancer. Can’t have sex with cancer, c’mon. Crooked Hillary’s like cancer, and she’s gonna kill America, but I have Pete Rose coming to my convention. Hillary, who is a filthy garbage person who should be buried alive, isn’t gonna have Pete Rose. If Crooked Hillary had Pete Rose, she would sell him to the Chinese, or let Bill rape him. How do we know that Bill Clinton hasn’t raped Pete Rose? Why hasn’t Crooked Hillary been asked about this? The media, which is very unfair, won’t stop talking about a star–a star!–and no one asks the Clintons about all the Hall-of-Famers they’ve raped together. Ozzie Smith. Don Mattingly. Yaz. Everyone knows that Bill and Hillary co-rape baseball legends, and the media wants to talk about stars. Sad!”)

3 Comments

  1. This is feeling a little sad to me right now.

  2. This picture alone has the ability to make America Great Again….

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    July 8, 2016 at 10:51 am

    Wowsers! Tell it.

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