Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To Exhibits At Chicago’s Field Museum

  • Grainger Hall of Gems. (“I have bought many gems. I should charge admission to see Melania’s jewelry. In fact, I’ve become quite an expert. Generally, when I buy precious stones, I end up teaching the jeweler about things. And these are real jewelers. With the little hats and everything. Diamonds. Rubies. There’s a couple blue ones. Shiny and expensive. Own many.”
  • Sue, the T-Rex. (“Is America a dinosaur? Maybe. Didn’t used to be. America used to be a dolphin. Sleek. Powerful. Swims through the waves beautifully. Just beautifully. Now? We lumber around. Eating ferns. Tiny arms. You know who the comet is, right? China. And Mexicans. Also Muslims. Not all of the Mexicans, but all of the Muslims. And not the Chinese people. Chinese people are great. Made many deals with Chinese businessmen. Talking about China. Screwing us like we’re dinosaurs.”)
  • Traveling the Pacific. (“Many islands in the Pacific. A lot of people tell me that I’m an island in the Pacific. Manhattan, where I own many properties, is an island. Not in the Pacific. Tried to buy Midway Island and turn it into a resort. Wanted to rename it Trump Island. Veterans complained, even though veterans love me.”)
  • Lichens: The Coolest Thing You’ve Never Heard Of. (“You know what’s not cool? Riots. You know what else isn’t cool? The party elites trying to steal the nomination from me. Why did I say those two things so close together? I don’t know. Let’s be cool in Cleveland. Hate for things to get hot.”)
  • The Tsavo Lions. (“Ate people. Maneaters. Lions eating people, and you’re going to ruin a good man’s life for trying to protect me? What, he grabbed her? Did he eat her? No? Some people get eaten by lions, and this woman is going to complain about a little pinch? She could have had a bomb. Might have been a living bomb. A bio-terrorist trying to give me Zika? My man doesn’t stop her, then I’ve got Zika. Can’t be president with a pinhead. Sad. People are getting eaten by lions. Bio-terrorism. Police care about this. Sad.”)
  • China’s First Emperor and His Terracotta Warriors. (“China’s gonna take us over and there’s gonna be a new emperor. China’s laughing at us, and soon they’ll beat us like dogs. Chinese emperor. Chinese rules. Chinese soldiers taking your guns. Constitution? What Constitution? They can’t pronounce Constitution. Chinese emperor’s gonna walk up and down the street whipping people who don’t bow enough. I’ve been talking about this for years. Chinese emperor.”)
  • Maori Meeting-House. (“I have built some of the best Maori meeting houses on the planet. Went to New Zealand to build the biggest meeting-house ever. People down there whined. That haka thing. Yelling and sticking their tongues out. That’s the way of their people. Whatever. Classiest Maori meeting-house you’ve ever seen. There was blackjack. When the market turned, I had to get out. Business. Great meeting-house.”)
  • Gidwitz Hall of Birds. (“If a bird isn’t a good mother and the chick dies, the daddy bird will often eat her. Maybe that’s what should happen to women who get abortions. Get an abortion, and the father eats you. If something’s illegal, then something’s illegal. Abortion should be illegal. Will be after my Supreme Court nominee gets confirmed. Many women will be eaten, but just at first.”)
  • Inside Ancient Egypt. (“Egypt is another of Obama’s failures. Many failures. He’s giving speeches. Now there are terrorists coming out of Egypt. Right? Sure, gotta be. And what’s Obama doing? Maybe he’s actually a secret Egyptian? I would drop a nuke on Cairo. United States is not negotiating from a place of strength in the Middle East. One nuke changes that. Maybe not Cairo. How about the city in Saudi Arabia? Whatever its name is. Nuke.”)
  • Evolving Planet. (“Evolving? Could be. Lots of people say God did it. My Bible says that. I read my Bible. Love my Bible. Great book. My favorite book. Did God do it? God did it. Evolution says that whales evolved from fish, but there’s still fish. Explain that. I’ll go with God.”)

3 Comments

  1. snivelingsneven

    March 31, 2016 at 8:53 am

    I know me. ToTS has shown an appreciation for these fine fellows… New video dropped yesterday:
    https://youtu.be/-2hxU4UG3dA

  2. Man it is getting hard to not talk about politics..

    Must Resist, Must Resist.. Must Resist,

    Here is the shepherd and his flock…

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    March 31, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    brilliant

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