Thoughts On The Dead

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Donald Trump Responds To His Own Teleprompter

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TotD takes you live to Briarcliff Manor, NY, where Donald Trump is addressing the press, with the aid of a Teleprompter.

“Good evening my fellow Americans, and illegal Mexicans watching this on stolen televisions. Look at you. Very beautiful crowd. Winners, nice. Very happy. Good.

“Tonight we close one chapter of history and begin another. Your votes have been counted, your voices heard. In primary after primary, through hard-fought battles, we rallied together and as the convention approaches, I understand the responsibility placed on my shoulders. I will not let you down. Not like Crooked Hillary, who has tremendous problems. Should she be in jail? Some people say she should be in jail.

“I stand before you to unite the Republican party, even the haters who have been very unfair to me. There’s quite a few. I could name names. Very unfair, but I extend the olive branch. I will even make peace with Lindsay Graham, who is just a terrible guy. Never married to a woman. Isn’t that weird? But, again: peace and unity.

“Some people will say I’m too much of a fighter. Yes, I will fight: for my principles, for my beliefs, for my many business. I have fought for my vision of New York, which I rescued in the 80’s, and now I will fight for you. It’s going to be great. I’ve never fought a bear, but I’ve seen it done and I would be very good at it. Maybe the bear’s symbolic? Is it Russia? Chinese bear? I’ll fight the bear for you, America.

“Hillary won’t fight a bear. Hillary, your child, bear? Crooked Hillary’s throwing your kid at the bear so she can escape. That’s happened. I’ve watched video of Hillary Clinton feeding a stranger’s child to a bear. Not right! And I was saving this for a big speech I have planned for this week, but I have to say it. When something’s on my mind, I say it. After the bear ate the kid, Bill Clinton raped the bear, and then Hillary helped cover it up. A team of investigators found this out. A team, not just one.

“Lot of problems, the Clintons. Big crooks, huge. You have no idea. Selling access, selling favors. This speech is a mind-blower. Monday? Tuesday? This week coming up, we gotta figure it out. This week. Big crooks. Anything that isn’t nailed down. Like Bonnie and Clyde, but ugly hicks. That’s good! Melania, write that down. She could write it down in five languages. My wife, Melania. Acknowledged as one of the great beauties.

“I knew them socially, the Clintons. Stole ashtrays from Mar-A-Lago. I thought Bill had some other place for his cigars, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe. Could be. Not good tippers. The caddies would complain, and I have the best caddies you’ve ever seen. All legal. Many are blacks, and they’re the right kind of blacks. Hard workers. The best blacks.

“The e-mails. I mean, c’mon. She knew what she was doing. Remember Marco Rubio? Little Marco? When he spazzed out at the debate and started repeating the line about Obama knowing what he was doing? He said horrible things about me, but he recently endorsed my candidacy. Very smart. People called him dumb all through the primaries, but he did at least one smart thing. Good for him. Little Marco made a big move.

“What kind of America do we want to leave for our children, assuming Hillary doesn’t feed them all to bears? An America that’s not great? Or one we make great again? Regulations are killing us, they’re just killing us. We gotta get better deals, I get the best deals. Trade. Energy. Infrastructure. We’re suffering big time. President Trump is bring the dollar up. Hillary’s gonna steal the dollar. This speech has so much great stuff in it. This week, I’m leaning towards Tuesday now. Gonna blow your minds.

“To supporters of Senator Sanders, I say this: you have been treated very unfairly, and I sympathize because I am being treated very unfairly right now by a hater judge who is unfairly Mexican. Not right! I have a big case, a huge case, a lot of money at stake and I ask for a judge. I get a Mexican. Rigged. Getting screwed. And he’s very Mexican, which is not a bad thing, but he is. Scale of one to ten, he’s an ocho. A seven or an ocho. Right around there.

“Our inner-cities are a mess. The worst. Y’know what? We’re letting down our blacks, and that’s not right. America has some high-quality blacks. Look at Africa. Their blacks are not as good as ours. I have to say it. Not great blacks. The media, the sleazy media, is gonna say I’m racist for pointing this out. It’s true. Not politically correct, whatever that means, but our blacks are the best in the world. But we’re failing them. Obama, who is himself a black, has failed them. I’m gonna make our blacks great again.

“Companies are gonna do so well, just the best. You think Hillary cares about the business you worked to create? She’s gonna take kickbacks from the Chinese, who are gonna buy the company and fire you and replace you with an Mexican. You think I’m just talking here? I have a whole speech, it’s so great. But, wait: Tuesday isn’t good. No Tuesday. Next week definitely. The best speech.”

1 Comment

  1. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    June 8, 2016 at 9:45 am

    I think he is singing “…da-a-a-a-rk star cra-a-a-a-ashes…”.

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