Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To Items From Publix’ Weekly Coupon

  • Cabbage. (“Needy. A needy food. Gotta add mayo. Stuff it in an egg roll. Not gonna just eat cabbage. Helper vegetable. Not the leader this country needs.”
  • Five-pound bag of rice. (“That’s a good amount of rice. Last a while. Many people have said that I am a five-pound bag of rice. Do I agree? That’s for the American people to decide in November.”)
  • Cookie Crisp cereal. (“Milk just doesn’t get to it. Rice Krispies? They’re mush in seconds. Cookie Crisp? Hours. Maintains integrity in the face of adversity, just like me. I’m Cookie Crisp, Obama is Rice Krispies. Maybe Cocoa Krispies, I don’t know.”)
  • Sheet cake with Happy Birthday, Linda written on it. (“Happy birthday, Linda.”)
  • Refried beans. (“How many times you gotta fry a bean? Americans fry a bean right the first time. American beans have been getting laughed at for years. Don’t you thing it’s time to turn that around?”)
  • Sargento shredded cheese. (“You can’t shred your own cheese? Government is not going to shred your cheese for you. A lot of people want that, but it’s not gonna happen. Government can’t shred your cheese.”)
  • Boar’s Head maple-smoked honey-baked ham. (“That ham is really getting knocked around. Lot of stuff going on with that ham. You know what? Still tastes like ham. Strong meat. ISIS is afraid of it. Great meat.”)
  • Italian bread. (“This Pope’s got a lotta nerve. No class. How dare he question my faith? No one loves Jesus more than me. Many people have noticed how much love I have for Jesus. Pope doesn’t like my wall, but he’s got his own. Real religious. You know who else is religious? ISIS. Media doesn’t look into that, just wants to attack Trump.”)
  • Keebler Town House crackers. (“We know nothing about these elves. What do they want? Maybe we need a list of elves. I own many trees.”)
  • Aunt Jemima pancake mix. (“Aunt Jemima is a great Black. I have great support in the Black community, and Jemima is a friend. Good breakfast, and good Black.”)
  • Ricola throat drops. (“Don’t use them. Never touch them. Unlike a lot of candidates, I never have trouble with my throat. Many doctors have told me I have the healthiest throat they’re ever seen.”)

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