Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To Mall Of America Tenants

  • Alpaca Connection. (“Not a camel. When I look at an alpaca, I wish I had a camel. Camel gets things done. Alpaca sweaters? Sure. Alpaca? C’mon. Gimme a camel or I get someone who can gimme a camel.”)
  • Chipotle. (“Again, the Mexicans kill our people. How they gonna do it? With a knife? A gun? A burrito? You never know. How much longer are we gonna put up with it? When I’m President? Gonna be a lot more burger eating. Same thing as a burrito. Delivery system for meat and toppings. But, you know: burger waited in line to get in. Didn’t hop a fence.”)
  • American Girl Bistro. (“My wife Melania is a real American girl. Don’t you want to see that as a first lady? Huh? Right? I mean: what we got now? Not gonna do it for me. Melania is a real American. “)
  • Apple Store. (“When I’m President, Apple’s gonna give me what I want. I’m gonna get what I want. What do I want? Terrorists. Now, am I gonna go into this Tim Cook’s–a real loser, by the way–office and have his staff executed in front of him until he hacks the phone for me?  I don’t know. I know I’m gonna be the best President ever.”)
  • Minnesota Sealife Aquarium. (“Loser fish. Stupid? Slow? Maybe they just like being taken care of by the government. Gimme a fish out in the ocean. I’m great with fish, by the way. Catching them, eating them. Just an all-around expert on fish.”)
  • Long John Silver’s. (“Now you’re talking. Again: fish. Fish don’t invade our country. Fish don’t want to force you to get married at a mosque. Bread ’em. Mayo. I don’t like tomato, but a lot of people do, and that’s fine. Whatever, have your tomatoes. The fish is what we’re talking about. The fish is why we’re here, right? Fish.”)
  • Ice Skating Rink. (“People forget that I built an ice skating rink. Wolman Rink in Central Park. Best ice rink in the world. Many of the greatest ice skaters have skated there and thanked me. A few cried. If you can do a lutz on a normal rink, you can do a salchow on mine. My rink also adds an axel. You could do a double somewhere else? Triple on mine. It’s the best ice in the world.”)
  • Brookstone. (“Classy place. Very classy. I don’t ever sit in the massage chair. Thing’s filthy. C’mon. Great business. It sells stuff morons think rich people have. Luckily, many rich people are morons. Great business. Got one of their radios in my shower.”)
  • Hooters. (“The wings are actually pretty good. Not bad wings. Let’s be honest: about the tits. Lot of people gonna have a problem with that. Hillary sure will. She has a problem with a lot of things. But, you know: no one’s going for the wings. But they are pretty good. People are gonna say the place is sexist. That’s dumb. That’s dumb. How can tits be sexist? Tit’s can’t be sexist: women have them. C’mon.”)

2 Comments

  1. Trump starting to look human as he realizes he may actually get the GOP nod. Me thinks some sleepless nights await as he contiplates the reality of running the free world and not a side show.

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