Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To The Billboard Top Ten From The Week Ending March 8th, 1975

  1. Have You Never Been Mellow, by Olivia Newton-John. (“Many people tell me I combine the best qualities of Danny Zucco and Kenickie. Charismatic, but also very good at dancing. Olivia Newton-John was eaten by a koala. Or married one. I saw videotape of it. I’ll find the tape. I saw it. Eaten, married.”)
  2. Black Water, by the Doobie Brothers. (“By the way, I am not mellow. 16 hour days since age 12. 18 hours. I golf? Yeah. With business partners. I’m not hanging around. Mellow is fine. Wanna be a loser? Be mellow. Jeb was mellow. Remember Jeb? Mellow Jeb. Yeah. Mellow.”)
  3. My Eyes Adored You, by Frankie Valli. (“Frankie Valli is a friend. He comes to my properties. ‘Mr. Trump, thank you so much. Mr. Trump, you’re the best.’ Frankie Valli looks up to me. Very short.”)
  4. Lady Marmalade, by LaBelle. (“Marmalade? Like Hillary’s ass? Aw. Aw. Now watch: media’s gonna pull that out of context. Wait’ll I get ahold of the libel laws. People know what I meant. But Hillary could lose a few. Long campaign, wanna be healthy.”)
  5. Lonely People, by America. (“That’s a great name. See, these guys get it, the lonely whatevers. Get a good name. Trump is the best name. Steve McQueen had a good name, but not as good as Trump. Gotta say it. Bernie. Bernie? Not a great name. Weak. Not a President’s name. Accountant. Dentist. Shylock. Not a President.”)
  6. Lady, by Styx. (“Lady of the morning. Love shines in your eyes. Sparkling. Clear. Lovely. You’re my lady.”
  7. Best of My Love, by The Eagles. (“Eagles were a great band. Very strong songs. Great musicians. Listened to their records many times. No one listens to Eagles records like I do.”)
  8. Lovin’ You, Minnie Riperton. (“I once made love to a black. Did not know at the time. But I did. I make love very well, black or white. But I did not know she was a black. She achieved orgasm quickly. Many women do, but I did not know she was black.”)
  9. Pick Up The Pieces, by the Average White Band. (“Why does the white band have to be average? Can’t be a great white band. Used to be great white bands. All over the country. Great bands of whites roaming the streets. Not okay anymore? Maybe it should be. Lot of people have said that to me.”)
  10. I Can’t Get It Out Of My Head, by Electric Light Orchestra. (“Weakest Wilbury. With the afro and the glasses. Dylan. The Beatle. The blind one. The pothead. And who’s this guy? Low-energy guy. What’s he bringing to the table? Just the afro. Not a great choice.”)

8 Comments

  1. SWAGGIE maggie

    March 3, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    Hmm, any significance behind that date?

  2. pisces!

  3. Happy birthday. My life started getting good around 41.

  4. ToTD for President!

  5. Anybody wants to get mellow they can turn around and get the fuck outta here!

  6. The irony, as I see it, is that Jeff Lynne was by far the most sonically prominent Wilbury.

  7. Happy Birthday?

  8. Luther Von Baconson

    March 4, 2016 at 11:34 am

    3/3? same day as my Mom (81). Happy Birthday!

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