“Yes, okay. Great. Michigan. Big crowd, the best crowd. Huge crowds all over. I love Michigan. Best state. I mean, not New York or Florida. Pretty good, though. Many states look like things, but Michigan looks the most like a thing. Big mitten, the best mitten. Used to build cars here until the Democrats and the media burned down the factories.
“I just returned from touring the devastation in Louisiana, where I was invited and welcomed. Jazz, crawfish, the whole thing. Very sad. Many people were drowned. I saved thirty children from drowning, and they said to me, ‘Mr. Trump, why did Hillary Clinton cause this flood?’ I couldn’t answer! I ask now for a moment of silence for the victims of this ongoing tragedy, followed by a minute or two of jeering at the press pen. Thank you.
“I have come here tonight to speak directly to the blacks. Crooked Hillary’s policies have left the blacks poor, and violent, and good at basketball. Hillary Clinton is probably the biggest racist in the country. Maybe Obama. Obama has been the most racist president we’ve ever had. Ever. Hands down, believe me. He’s not a black. A Muslim. A Muslim is different than a black. Black’ll shoot you, Muslim’ll blow you up. Different.
“I am friends with many of the finest blacks, best blacks. Tyson. He’s the champ! Don King, of course. Omarosa. She’s only got one name, great. OJ. Listen, what I’m saying is that I have a huge group of blacks to draw upon, and they all say the same thing: Donald Trump is the leader the blacks need. Like a quarterback, or Phil Jackson. Not a Van Gundy. Hillary’s a Van Gundy, and you know how that works out for the blacks.
“Look at what Hillary Clinton has done to Detroit. The job loss. The bankruptcies. Godzilla. It’s terrible there, terrible. All of the fire engines have been stolen. Crooked Hillary personally over-flouridated the water, and many children were born with a giant tooth for a head. Sad! Block war that claimed the life of Judge Dredd. Maybe Hillary needs to take the Long Walk into the Cursed Earth? People say she should. Or just go to prison for life or be executed, whatever.
“What about the facts? I love facts, I have the best facts. Here they are. Before Crooked Hilary became Secretary of State, Iraq was calm. Libya was a paradise. Harambe was alive. Now? Terrible. Hillary Clinton made the Middle East almost as bad as Detroit, which is a hellhole. Why? Is it because of the millions of dollars that evil dictators poured into the Clinton Foundation, which is very corrupt? Did an oil tyrant take a break from throwing homosexuals, some of whom may have been blacks, off buildings to promise her the cure to whatever it is that she has? I heard she has tuberculosis.
“The blacks have voted for the Democrat candidate for fifty years. What’s gotten better? These are not good times for the blacks. Not moving on up! Many blacks come up to me and say, ‘Mr. Trump, what’s happening?’ And I tell them, ‘Racist Hilary is racist, now gimme me my five iron.’ Happens all the time, believe me. Hillary Clinton see the blacks as her property, but I actually let the blacks onto my properties.
“Democrats take the blacks for granted. They do! No flowers. Dinner. You gotta do something nice every once in a while, shuts them up. People don’t know how great a poet I am. Much better than Amiri Baraka, but he’s the Poet Laureate? Wonder why. Wonder why. Media doesn’t report on my poetry. Free verse, blank verse. I can do all the verses. No haiku! We’re doing haiku, but are the Chinese doing limericks? They’re not. One-sided! Bad deal. Wrote a poem for my wife Melania, who is acknowledged as one of the great beauties. Manafort had it translated into Russian, which is one of the five languages she speaks.
“Hillary Clinton wants to take jobs from the blacks and give them to refugees, most of whom are Radical Islamic Terrorists. Point guard, reverend, drive-through cashier. All the black jobs. Now you can’t get bacon on your cheeseburger, and every NBA game explodes. That’s her plan! Rappers. All the black jobs. Looter. All of them, refugees do that now.
“I build, and Hillary Clinton destroys. I give New York the greatest ice rink in the world, and Crooked Hillary burns the Reichstag. Not a metaphor! Literally the burner of the Reichstag. Why has she not apologized for that? Hillary Clinton, who is a coward, shot Wild Bill Hickock in the back. No apology. Approving the Tuskegee Experiment. Not one regret.
“Speaking of regret, I want to say that there is regret on my side for some of the things people heard that I didn’t say, or didn’t mean, or was being sarcastic, or they were too dumb to understand. As you know, I am not politically correct. I don’t have the time to be! People say ‘African-American’ is the politically correct thing to call the blacks, but it’s so many more syllables. Get to the point!
“Obama, who is the most racist president we’ve ever had, has stirred up so much anger in the blacks. The blacks have a lot of anger right now, and that’s why we need to give the police more money. Can’t have everything burning down constantly. Hillary Clinton, who is a murderer with Lou Gehrig’s disease, will continue these policies. This is why I am asking for the blacks to vote for me. What’s the worst that could happen?
“Thank you, and let’s Make America Great Again.”