Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Don’t Cross The Revenue Streams


“Jenkins! Get in here!”

“Yes, sir. Should I bring some coffee for you to hurl at me?”

“No time! Hurl it at yourself later.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And make sure to berate yourself.”

“I’ll be harsh, sir. What’s up?”

“I had an idea, Jenkins. Ghostbusters!”

“You…want to re-release it to theaters, sir? Polish it up and upgrade the sound and maybe throw a 20-minutes Making-Of short in front of it? Not much production cost. Most of the outlay will be promotion and the internet will do that for us on this one.”


“Another sequel? The first sequel was terrible, and Egon’s dead, sir. Plus, Aykroyd cannot fit into the jumpsuit any longer.”

“Not a sequel, Jenkins, you simpleton. Besides, there’s no such things as sequels anymore: we call them installments, now.”

“Oh, God, sir: you’re going to reboot it.”

“New boots for the Ghostbusters! Reboot! Everyone shall have boots, again, for the second time!”

“Yes, sir.”

‘We’ll update the Ghostbusters and make it brand new and different for a new generation!”

“Yes, sir.”

“And we’ll make it in 3D!”

“No, sir: it’s not 2012 anymore.”

“It’s not?”

“No, sir.”

“Then why did my bookie just accept all my bets on the London Olympics?”

“Because he’s a criminal, sir.”

“Good point, Jenkins.”

“How is it going to be different, sir? Where will it be set?”

“Oh, still in New York City.”

“Ah. Well, at least we’ll get to use the city’s natural production values as a thematic and aesthetic throughline in the movie like the first one did so well.”

“No, no: we’re shooting in Boston.”

“Of course, sir. Still four of ’em?”

“Oh, yes. Must have four. Can’t not have four Ghostbusters. Core four.”

“Three white PhD’s and a black everyman?”

“Can’t change that, Jenkins. That’s just how nature works, like two hydrogens and an oxygen.”

“Possibly, sir. First scene in a library?”

“Oh, stop that. We’re not just going to steal the first script word for word.”

“Good. I was a little–”

“It takes place in a museum.”

“–worried. Oh.”

“And it’s the part of the museum where they keep all the old books.”

“Right. Do the Ghostbusters look the same?”

“Nothing at all like the old ones.”

“No jumpsuits? No proton packs?”

“Jenkins, you’re a wetbrain. Of course they wear jumpsuits and proton packs.”

“I fail to see the difference, then, sir.”

“The new ones have stripes.”

“Ah. And then the–”

“City gets invaded by–”

“–ghosts and the only ones that can–”

“–help are the Ghostbusters but–”

“–no one believes in them–”

“–and then they–”




“Slimer, sir?”

“Andy Serkis is going to play him.”

“Well, forgive my impertinence, sir, but: where’s the difference?”

“I don’t want to say it out loud, Jenkins. We’re in mixed company.”

“Is it whisper time again, sir?”

“Lean in, Jenkins.”


“I didn’t catch that, sir.”

“Very well. Recommence your lean.”


“Did you just say ‘They’re going to have lady-parts,’ sir?”

“Jenkins! Decorum! Not in front of Scruffles!


“Oh, hi, Scruffles. I didn’t see you there.”


“Sir, the only thing we’re changing is the gender of the Ghostbusters?”

“And the stripes on the jumpsuits, Jenkins.”

“Yes, sir. Stripes, sir. Sir?”


“How is this not shitty Tumblr genderswap cosplay with ten likes and a comment that says “SLAAAAAAY queen moms yaaas,” under it?”

“We’re going to sell toys, Jenkins!”

“Well, at least there will be some female action figures, as opposed to that Avengers and Star Wars nonsense.”

“Female? No, no: just making Chris Hemsworth and Slimer and the car.”



  1. Great post ToTd!

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    March 3, 2016 at 7:23 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.