Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Don’t Look Directly At This Post

phil terrible everything shorts

No one would blame me for slapping a “Look at this bullshit right here” on this sumbitch and moving on. Who could blame me for not wanting to spend time with whatever that bullshit is right there?

Make no mistake: that is some bullshit right there.

But TotD is dedicated to providing you, the loyal Enthusiast, with comprehensive coverage of every 25-year-old photo of a defunct choogly-type band there is.

The temptation is towards reductionism, of separating the bad from the terrible from the unholy from the damned. (There is no “good” here. There is not even “acceptable” here.) This would fail the gestalt, and if there’s anything the gestalt hates worse than being failed, it’s being used vaguely incorrectly by people trying to sound smart.

No, this is the wrong approach: Phil, here, is to be viewed as a piece, holistically. With this in mind, Thoughts on the Dead presents Things Worse than Phil’s Appearance:

  • Holocaust (Jewish)
  • Holocaust (Armenian)
  • Holocaust (Ewok)
  • Holocaust (Any I have missed)
  • Certain cancers (Face, dick, asshole)
  • Global economic collapse
  • Shitting yourself during an audience with the Pope.
  • The Pope getting turned on by it.
  • Spanish flu of 1919-20
  • Dead astronauts


  1. Anchovy Rancher

    January 13, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    I looked at it long enough to need glasses. “OW!”

  2. Chronic bullshit: Goddamn arm band. Acute bullshit: F*cking dumbest ass t-shirt ever, 2000 year old man shorts pulled up too high, Walmart tube socks.
    Get rid of all the acute bullshit here and you got one naked bass player.

  3. The outfit featured here is the one thing Garcia has openly admitted to setting fire to. He tried to blame it on John Kahn, saying “Damn man. Kahn stole them shits and took ’em down to the Tenderloin hoping to trade ’em for some dope.” Had Justin Kreutzmann not captured video of a gleeful Jerry and Parrish burning, stomping on, peeing on(Parrish) and kick-sweeping the remains under the drum riser, Phil might’ve bought that likely explanation.

  4. After the show, Candace Brightman was overheard sharing her regret over the impossibility of “hanging Phil’s legs in the lighting truss to give some of the VariLights a break.” Billy thought to himself “I’d only have to use, like, 20% dick-punch force whenever he wears those shorts”. Also:Mickey bought Phil that shirt. It wasn’t even close to his birthday.

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