Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Drake

Larry Drake? You’re a Deadhead?

“What?”

Heard you were rapping about the Dead.

“You could not be more off the mark.”

Not a Deadhead?

“Not a Deadhead, not a rapper, and not alive.”

Oh, right.

“2016 was rough.”

It was.

“How’s 2017 going?”

So much worse.

“Twas I referenced yon hairy minstrels!”

Was that you, Larry?

“I think that was Frank.”

Frank?

“You call me Sir Francis or I’ll cough on you!”

Please don’t do that. You probably have everything.

“Scurvy.”

Sure.

“Ricketts.”

One would assume.

“Catpox.”

What the fuck is catpox?

“Like chicken pox, but with claws.”

Were you rapping about the Grateful Dead?

“No, I lied to you.”

Why?

“It amused me to do so.”

Okay. Remind me what you did.

“I circumnavigated the globe and introduced piracy to America’s west coast.”

And you got knighted for that?

“I kicked up 30% of my booty to the Queen.”

Ah.

“The mistake you’re making is thinking that there was always a clean line of demarcation between a sailor and a pirate.”

I guess. So it wasn’t you, then?

“Too busy to rap, my good man.”

“I love rap.”

Why did it just get so cold?

“Sorry.”

Ah. Bobby Drake.

“Star of comic books and movies.”

You’re in the comics and movies. Not the star.

“Chicks love Iceman.”

You’re gay now.

“What?”

Look it up.

“Gimme a sec.”

“Motherfucker.”

Your sexuality got retconned a couple years ago. Maybe you could say it got hetconned.

“This is not getting my solo movie out of development.”

Maybe you could be the wacky, yet supportive, best friend. Josh Gad could play you.

“I gotta call my agent.”

Did you rap about the Dead?

“I’m fictional.”

So?

“How you doing?”

What?

Doctor.

“Yo.”

You rapping about the Dead?

“Nah. You ask Sir Francis?”

He said he didn’t do it.

“Then I got nothing.”

Gotcha.

2 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    March 23, 2017 at 11:46 am

    Just Like Levin

  2. Dont skip out on Sir francis drake high, home of drugged out deadhead kids for most of the 80s

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*