What other website brings you–you, the discerning Enthusiast–exclusive news of how the Grateful Dead responded to the news of the Hyperloop? None!

Y’think there’s a reason for that?

Big Dead?

Really?

No, not this time. This shit’s getting arcane.

band young train

Phil half-read the article, then demanded that “this hyperlooper the boffins have invented” be worked into his amplifier rig.

All day, Bobby had been giggling, hard. He was doing that thing where you’re at a funeral or church or an orgy–somewhere you’re not allowed to laugh–and now YOU CAN’T STOP LAUGHING. Every once in a while, Bobby would try to catch his breath: he would double over, hands on knees, shaking his head. “Hyper poop,” he would whisper, and again start quivering with laughter. It continued for hours; Garcia had to sing most of the songs that night.

Billy invented a hyperloop, as well: it was sexual in nature, and I’d thank you not to ask me any more about it.

Vince was heartbroken over the rumor that the emergency brake was to be named the Vince Song, because it brought things to a dead stop.

Garcia would check into hotels under the name “Hy Perloupe”. He thought is was clever, and it actually wasn’t such a bad little joke. Then he would accidentally burn down half the building.