Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To


One night in the 80’s, the Dead were playing Cincinnatti Cinncinati Cleveland the same night as Bill Cosby, and staying in the same hotel. Cosby, perhaps looking to expand his options, invited Billy up to his room and offered him a spiked glass of wine, which Billy drained in a swallow.

“Hey, did you put something in there? Mighty kind of you: couldja top me off, Coz?”

Billy polished off seven or eight of Cosby’s cocktails with no ill effects, even stealing a few sweaters to give to Phil.

“Gonna call it a night, Coz,” Billy said and went back to his room. It was a long walk and something told Billy to turn around, but he didn’t.

To this day, the only advice Billy ever gives to young people is this: You never regret the dicks you punch; only the dicks you don’t.


  1. This whole Cosby deal is such a bummer. Not so much as for anyone who might’ve been raped, of course, but still. For a while it seemed there was a remote possibility that he’d just been harassed by some opportunistic randos. I’m not too hip to the fashion world but assume Janice Dickinson doesn’t really have anything to gain by coming forward.

    Silly to feel disilusioned about a comedian, but the guy was a presence for decades for a lot of people. Anyone else watch Picture Pages in kindergarten? It’s like realizing your dad’s really an asshole. I assume. My real dad’s cool.

    ADD time: I had the hugest crush on Vanessa Huxtable. Everyone liked Denise, who was beautiful. Vanessa was cuter.

    • Yeah, it seems he might be a complete monster. The American Jimmy Saville. (Do not look him up if you still have faith in humanity.)

      And I was a Claire man, myself. Something about that weird Imperial accent she had. Plus she was fluent in Spanish.

      After Claire, Shadra. Shondra? Chandra? Shonda Rimes? The one who married the schmuck.

      • Jesus. I looked at the trap, Ray.

        Does seem to validate the notion that you shouldn’t trust someone who appears too wholesome. There’s a part of the psyche that really wants to make wrong moves, and – can only speak for myself – it seems best to keep that marginally satisfied with misdemeanor bad habits.

        Not saying that I’d end up a rapist, but the approach does stave off much stupider impulses like “I’ve been working really hard and probably deserve some drugs.”

  2. Except for Fred Rogers, Drew. That guy was a saint.

  3. The next morning, the two Bills discussed creating an act. Cosby, Pills and Young Snatch was this close to happening, but Matthew Kelly called and Billy knew he couldn’t turn Kingfish down.

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