Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Entertainment Options Other Than The Oscars

  • Running face-first into an icepick.
  • Volunteering at an old folks’ home and making the wheelchair-bound residents joust with each other.
  • This is much better than the Oscars, honestly:
  • That’s Janelle Monae and she is the best thing since toasted bread, and at no point during her performance do two dullard actors banter with one another.
  • I know the saying is “sliced bread” but the discovery of toast was much more important than some engineer inventing an industrial slicer.
  • Toasting bread tastifies it at an exponential level: if you have crappy bread, toasting it will make it acceptable, but if you start with a quality loaf and chuck it in the toaster for two minutes, you’re in carbohydrate heaven.
  • Plus, I love the fact that toast was obviously an accidental invention: some guy left the bread too close to the fire.
  • “Og! Come here!”
  • “Thog, is this about the wheel again? I told you: you need to invent an axle first.”
  • “No, no: try this bread. It’s unbelievable.”
  • “It’s burnt!”
  • “That’s what you think now, but TRY IT.”
  • “Crunch crunch crunch. Oh, that’s amazing.”
  • “I know, right?”
  • “We should invent butter.”
  • I may have become distracted.
  • Another option is arson.
  • It’s like my dad used to say: “Son, arson’s always an option.”
  • I miss him.
  • If it is very warm where you are, you could go swimming.
  • If it is very cold, well, you chose to live there and I have no sympathy.
  • How about 9/15/82 from the Capital Centre in Landover, MD? (Check out the setlist: Playing>Crazy Fingers to open the first set, then Let It Grow>Day Job to close it out. Nota Bene: said Playing>CF is all an AUD patch. Good one, but still. Also, the second set goes AUD halfway through Lost Sailor, which is probably Mickey’s doing. Above-average ’82 show with an excellent and weird song selection, but you know: AUD.)
  • Punji jumping.
  • It’s just like bungee jumping, except instead of an elastic cord, it’s a sharpened stick coated with feces.
  • You could not watch the broadcast, and just keep Twitter open on your phone and three or four live-blogs open on your laptop, and then put your head in the oven.
  • Books are still legal, but that might change in November, so try reading.

3 Comments

  1. Wow… great night of bloggins today.. Thanks

  2. Bill Walton Capitol Centre 1982

  3. Janelle Monae is fucking awesome

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