Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Entertainment Options Other Than The Oscars

  • Running face-first into an icepick.
  • Volunteering at an old folks’ home and making the wheelchair-bound residents joust with each other.
  • This is much better than the Oscars, honestly:
  • That’s Janelle Monae and she is the best thing since toasted bread, and at no point during her performance do two dullard actors banter with one another.
  • I know the saying is “sliced bread” but the discovery of toast was much more important than some engineer inventing an industrial slicer.
  • Toasting bread tastifies it at an exponential level: if you have crappy bread, toasting it will make it acceptable, but if you start with a quality loaf and chuck it in the toaster for two minutes, you’re in carbohydrate heaven.
  • Plus, I love the fact that toast was obviously an accidental invention: some guy left the bread too close to the fire.
  • “Og! Come here!”
  • “Thog, is this about the wheel again? I told you: you need to invent an axle first.”
  • “No, no: try this bread. It’s unbelievable.”
  • “It’s burnt!”
  • “That’s what you think now, but TRY IT.”
  • “Crunch crunch crunch. Oh, that’s amazing.”
  • “I know, right?”
  • “We should invent butter.”
  • I may have become distracted.
  • Another option is arson.
  • It’s like my dad used to say: “Son, arson’s always an option.”
  • I miss him.
  • If it is very warm where you are, you could go swimming.
  • If it is very cold, well, you chose to live there and I have no sympathy.
  • How about 9/15/82 from the Capital Centre in Landover, MD? (Check out the setlist: Playing>Crazy Fingers to open the first set, then Let It Grow>Day Job to close it out. Nota Bene: said Playing>CF is all an AUD patch. Good one, but still. Also, the second set goes AUD halfway through Lost Sailor, which is probably Mickey’s doing. Above-average ’82 show with an excellent and weird song selection, but you know: AUD.)
  • Punji jumping.
  • It’s just like bungee jumping, except instead of an elastic cord, it’s a sharpened stick coated with feces.
  • You could not watch the broadcast, and just keep Twitter open on your phone and three or four live-blogs open on your laptop, and then put your head in the oven.
  • Books are still legal, but that might change in November, so try reading.


  1. Wow… great night of bloggins today.. Thanks

  2. Bill Walton Capitol Centre 1982

  3. Janelle Monae is fucking awesome

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