Excelsis Indio

Nothing says Rock & Roll like the Polo Club.

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Does Lil Uzi know Lil Yachty?

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The Sunday show looks like the best one: I like Lorde’s hair and spaz-dancing, and New Order is okay, and Toots and the motherfucking Maytalls! Plus, I dig DJ Khaled: he delivers inspiration along with funky beats. Porter Robinson sounds like a soul singer, but I’m sure he isn’t. Tove Lo takes her top off at her shows, so that’s something. Plus, as well know, Kendrick Lamar is killing this rap game.

And no Father John Misty.

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They’re streaming the whole festival on YouTube. You can watch it for free.

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Y’know what, King Gizzard and the Lizzard Wizzard? Well done.

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Hot Since 82 and Breakbot are also good names, but the rest are depressing and shitty. Was that the best you could do, Car Seat Headrest?

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I am officially declaring Chicano Batman the Woody Hayes of the non-jam festival. Those guys are going to be in every field full of drugged-up teens in America this summer.

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Joining Mac Miller and Mac DeMarco on Friday night will be Mac Davis and Macklemore. (Excellent question to determine whether you’re a Younger Enthusiast or one of us old fucks: “Name a singer with the first name of Mac.” In defense of the old fucks, Mac Davis wrote In The Ghetto, and is therefore awesome.)

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How many more of these fucking things are there? I’m running out of jokes.

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All of the Instagram Hotties are at Coachella. Their little geotags say “Indio” and they have their flowered headdresses and strappy sandals and teeth whitening kits and they are ready to party.