Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Excuses For The Plagiarism In Last Night’s Speech From Melania Trump, Who Is Acknowledged As One Of The Great Beauties

  • Private jet lag.
  • No such concept as “plagiarism” in any of the other four languages she speaks.
  • Campaign recently hired Jonah Lehrer as a speechwriter.
  • It’s not like Michelle Obama invented the English language. (Karina Pierson, who is a grown-up Zika Baby, actually said this today. Swear to fucking God.)
  • Y’know how you get a song stuck in your head? Like that, but with a speech from 2008.
  • Fuck you, that’s why.
  • Actually, blacks steal from whites far more than the other way around, which the mainstream media won’t report.
  • It was an homage.
  • It was a tribute.
  • It was a sample.
  • Melania Trump invented the remix.
  • Something something Benghazi.


  1. Yawn. Let me know when she or the Orange Nightmare lift as many actual artfully spoken or thoughtful praises as Obama did from Corey Booker in 2008. Seriously, there’s enough weird for media and pundits to focus on with Trump without looking like desperately partisan hacks with no sense of proportion or maturity.

  2. You’re on Pitchfork!

  3. One satirical Dead-loving site refers to him frequently as “Josh.”

    The New Yorker is one thing, but when Pitchfork references your work (repeatedly through their article), you’ve really arrived

  4. hugh.c.mcbride

    July 19, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    While #3 has already been uttered out loud by a member of the Trump braintrust (insert snort here), pretty sure #6 & #12 are the most favored responses by those within the campaign.

  5. Robin Russell

    July 19, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    This is an obvious trap. Trump voters obtained their best grades through plagiarism. Undecided plagiarists will flock to the Trump banner. Only elites condemn plagiarism.

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