Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Fair-Leather Friends

“SOMEONE DONE GAVE ME A YOUNG BOY.”

Oh, not two days in a row.

“AH HAVE ALREADY BEGUN TO RAISE HIM IN THE TRADITIONAL PRESLEY FASHION.”

Which is?

“AH PULLED HIM OUTTA SCHOOL AND BOUGHT HIM PROSTITUTES OF VARYING ETHNICITIES.”

That’s not how you raise a kid.

“HOW ELSE WILL HE KNOW HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO A CHICANA?”

That kid shouldn’t be making love to anything or anyone. He should be asking Santa for a Red Ryder BB gun.

“BB GUN? HELL, NAW. GOT HIM AN UZI.”

Please stop buying weapons and whores for children, Elvis.

“AH NEED A MALE HEIR. SOMEONE MUST CONTINUE MAH NAME, AND ALL OF MAH PHILANTHROPIC EFFORTS.”

What philanthropic efforts?

“EMPLOYING CHARLIE HODGE.”

Sure.

“NOT A LOTTA PEOPLE C’N AFFORD A FULL-TIME SCARF-AND-WATER MAN.”

Elvis?

“YEAH?”

King?

“UH-HUH?”

That kid looks fucking terrified.

“WHA?”

“OH, NO! YOU RIGHT, BOY! AH MUST HAVE GIVEN HIM MAH HEEBIE-JEEBIES!”

Not a thing.

“SOMEONE CALL DR. NICK.”

NO! Do NOT call Dr. Nick.

“DR. NICK IS A LICENSED PEDIATRICIAN.”

He is not. Not at all.

“DRIVER’S LICENSE COUNTS.”

Elvis, we need to take a break.

“YOU’LL BE BACK.”

I know.

2 Comments

  1. is that the real Forrest Gump when he met Elvis?

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    January 12, 2017 at 3:48 pm

    “Gottle a geer, gottle a geer!”

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