Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

False Alarm, The Only Game In Town

“Hey, Ass. Listen, before you get all bitchy–

Were you responsible for the Emergency Alert about the missiles?

“Not entirely.”

Goddammit, Billy. What did you do?

“Well, I was over at the Office of Emergency Management. I had gone to do chair-stuff to a chick named Gretchen.”


“You know. Chair-Stuff.”



That wasn’t helpful at all.


Hey, don’t play with the fonts, please. Let’s just assume “chair-stuff” is icky and move on. Why were you at the OEM?

“Government agencies are full of skank, man. They wear those sensible pumps, and then they pump ya real sensibly. Ever bang a DMV worker? That’s your tax dollar at work right there, but you have to be careful about the hair. Don’t touch a DMV worker’s hair.”

You’re going somewhere with this I won’t permit.

“Okay, so I was neck-deep in Gretchen when I remembered those videos of Trump with the porn stars we were talking about.”

Holy shit, I’d already forgotten about that.

“Everything’s going faster. That’s why I’m banging so much, man. Living on borrowed time, spooging on borrowed skank.”

What did you do, Billy?

“Ok, right, so Gretchen’s taking care of herself and this chick I picked up at an airport bar, and I try to find my emails on her machine.”

Which was connected to the Emergency Alert system.

“I pressed the wrong button. That’s on me. My bad.”

You scared the shit out of millions of people.


That’s not funny.

“It’s a little funny.”

Not at all! Tourists were texting “goodbye” to their loved ones back home!

“It’s not my fault!”

Why not?

“Because I don’t want it to be.”

Just stop being involved with day-to-day events in the news.


Can’t you at least stay away from computers? What are you doing?


Goddammit, Billy.


  1. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    January 14, 2018 at 12:55 pm

    Besides drums and percussion, Billy is also an accomplished keyboard player.

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