Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Family Business

The Wall of Sound PA System between Sets. The Grateful Dead perform live at the Springfield Civic Center on 30 June 1974. Set break lighting by Candace Brightman.

Ooh, spooky.

I AM A SIGHT TO BEHOLD IN BOTH DAY AND NIGHT.

It kinda looks like someone draped some purple t-shirts over a couple vari-lites.

IT IS 1974. THIS IS THE BEST THERE IS. AFTER ALL, I AM THE CUTTING-EDGE OF AUDIO TECHNOLOGY, AND I AM MERELY THINGS STACKED ON TOP OF OTHER THINGS.

Yeah, but you’re self-aware.

SO ARE YOU. I AM A SPEAKER STACK; YOU ARE A MEAT SACK. YET, WE CAN BE FRIENDS.

The orange bit on the center cluster looks cool.

I AM GLORIOUS.

How’s the campaign coming?

YOU SPEAK OF MY PRESIDENTIAL RUN? WALL ’16: MAKE AMERICA LOUD AGAIN.

Stop plugging yourself.

THIS SEEMS TO BE HOW AMERICANS CAMPAIGN NOW. MY NEW CAMPAIGN MANAGER WANTS ME TO MAKE A SERIES OF VINES IN HOPES OF GOING VIRAL.

Okay.

I HAVE TOLD HER THAT WE SHOULD SAVE BANDWIDTH AND JUST TAKE A PICTURE, AS I AM A WALL, AND THEREFORE NOT CAPABLE OF SLAPSTICK COMEDY.

Sure. Wait: her? Didn’t you hire Roger Stone after he left Trump?

THERE WERE PROBLEMS.

Yeah?

HE KILLED AN INTERN.

Oh.

WITHIN AN HOUR OF ARRIVING AT THE OFFICE. IT WAS A BAD SCENE.

Yeah.

IT IS FOR THE BEST. I HAVE NOW HAVE THE BEST OPERATIVE IN THE GAME, PLUS SHE IS FAMILY.

Oh, God, tell me you didn’t–

I HAVE HIRED POLITICAL LEE.

–hire Political Lee. Aw, man, why?

I AM NOT A MAN.

She’s a lunatic.

SHE IS OF GRATEFUL DEAD STOCK.

You’re making my argument for me a little.

SHE IS CAPABLE AND COMPETENT. SHE HAS GOOD IDEAS.

She is a rapacious and immoral menace. She helped get Ted Cruz elected and that man is an unwanted picture of a limp dick in cowboy boots.

HE DOES NOT DELIGHT THE EYE.

Then, she turned around and got Hillary’s campaign to sic those two loudmouths on Bernie Sanders just for the chaos. She’s like the Joker with season tickets to the Nationals. She’s evil. She’s bad for America.

She’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?

DOES THIS BIT WORK IN PRINT?

“Hello, TotD.”

Political Lee. The black sheep of the Lee family.

“Oh, please: our idiot brother Fanatic just ran off to join ISIS.”

How’s your father?

“The museum hasn’t blown up yet. Give it time.”

Don’t talk about your dad that way. Man got things done, and for the right reasons.

“You belong in that museum with him.”

I AM SO HAPPY WE ARE ALL TOGETHER.

15 Comments

  1. Glad to meet more of the Lees. Glad you’re making more of these.

  2. presumptuous lee is doing wonders for john mayers career

  3. “HE DOES NOT DELIGHT THE EYE” made me lol for real. I was in the bathroom, too, and laughing loudly in the bathroom frightens the husband.

    • Grunting (or cheering) in the bathroom makes my wife reconsider her choice in men

      • CHILL, FAM. Y’ALL ARE GOING TO MAKE ME BLEED AGAIN. Spencer I LOVE YOU

      • I used to make vomit noises in the bathroom every morning, convinced my husband to get a vasectomy!

        Kidding…mortagages and teenagers did the convincing for me 😉

      • Oh my GOD, that’s hilarious.
        Being a teenager myself I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that stuff just yet. All I gotta do is show up and look pretty. I sometimes make vomit noises in the bathroom to freak my sister out.

      • The infinite joy of children and mortgages…..i too joined that club

      • Hey, it’s good, man. Don’t think that we kids don’t appreciate it. It’s pretty darn rad to have a family and a home. Even if your own kids don’t recognize right now what parents and families go through just to create some kind of life, they will later on, I swear. And I think you’ll be pretty siked, too, to see how cool their lives turn out (after your house has been burnt down to the ground by the bank). 😉

        I haven’t told anyone this, but like, half the reason why I’m planning on going to community college for my first two years is so that I can save my parents a couple extra bucks. We can totally afford it, but I don’t want my dad working till he’s 85. I’m worth his money but he’s gotta have a little peace and quiet to himself at the end of his life just like everybody else.

        What the hell???1?2?3????1 . I’m not a fifteen year old. I’m a fucking civil war ghost.

        Sorry. That was not like my internet persona. BACK TO NORMAL. Um… Swag money, fellow children!!!!1!1!!1!

      • i’ve made the turn…kid is in college and the mortgage is paid. the flip side is your shit aches all the time and you are constantly getting stronger reading glasses

      • Me too! My youngest graduated this year, both in college 🙂 Still have pesky mortgage, tho. We got very lucky, and one has an amazing full scholarship, the other has a mostly-scholarship. There’s some weird circle of life crap when your oldest was due on 8-9-95 (but didn’t show up until 8-26, Tropical Storm Jerry), and you suddenly have the freedom to just get on the road again for the FTW shows. We have awesome life timing.

      • 8/26? I’m 8/28 🙂

        (B. 1999, though.)

      • Awww! My nephew is the 28th (97). My boys are the 25th (97) and 26th (95). People get bored in November.

  4. If Wallie loses this election and falls down in Despondency, Jerry will be crushed — literally.
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/45/84/8a/45848ae30fb59556593caefaca70fde8.jpg

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*