Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Fire Woman

May I have a marshmallow?

“They’re not marshmallows.”

I know. My question was unrelated to your flaming Wolverine-hands.

“You know what marshmallows are made of?”

Tastiness?

“Horse hooves and colonialism.”

Will you cook my hot dog?

“No.”

Will you cook my tofu dog?

“Yes.”

What is the current delusion of the masses?

“Dynamism.”

Explain.

“The lie of productivity; the trap of the work ethic; the preservative of progress. Suckers think they always gotta be doing something.”

Suckers?

“The rats, the sheep, the easily-cowed, the busy beavers, the workhorses.”

A motley menagerie.

“And not enough cages.”

But is man not meant to be free?

“Meant, shmeant. Judge man by his actions. He chooses stability and security over freedom.”

Freedom includes the freedom to choose stability and security.

“You’re talking in circles.”

The world is round. What color are your eyes?

“Pet fish at a rich person’s house.”

Good color.

“It’s the Cadillac of eye colors.”

You ever burn your house down?

“Couple times.”

Hot.

“I see what you did. This is the part where you ask me if I have a boyfriend.”

Yeah, I don’t know why we’re doing this bit again, either.

“GET AWAY FROM MY LADY! SHE ONLY GOES OUT WITH MOOSE!”

You’re not a moose. You’re a passed-out hippie in a deer mask.

“DON’T ASSUME MY SPECIES!”

Bringing this bit back was a mistake.

8 Comments

  1. Bringing it back to Chuck Berry–the 13 question method is the one to use.

    Google 13 question method–you’ll come up with Ry Cooder’s excellent version. I don’t know where Ry found it, but I assure you, it’s the one to use.

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    March 19, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    I always liked Melissa and how she did her fire dancing. Her handhelds were very “delicate” and made it look like her fingertips were on fire.

  3. SmokingLeather

    March 21, 2017 at 3:49 am

    I think the timing of bringing this bit back made up for any shortcomings in the bit itself.

  4. The entire Internet can read this, potentially.

    I hope you realize that.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      March 21, 2017 at 11:23 pm

      Have I said something inopportune?

      Or just the general oddness?

      • Imagine hearing those words as spoken by Bob Weir.

      • TotD, it isn’t so much what you wrote. At least not this time.

        It’s that second photograph.

        All these years- decades- that we of the Enthusiast Community have spent striving for respectability, and then you have to give away the game.

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