Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

First Draft Of The Russia Probe Memo

House Permanent Select
Committee On Intelligence

Russia Investigation


Following a more than yearlong, very bipartisan no matter what the Democrats say, investigation into Russian active measures targeting the 2016 U.S. election, the House Intelligence Committee has completed a draft report of 150+ pages, with 600+ citations. The plus sign means that there’s MORE than 600 citations, and that is a shitload of citations. There are also several graphs, many charts, and a number of crude drawings of Adam Schiff having sex with a dead coyote. The draft report addresses, in detail, each of the questions within the agreed parameters of the investigation, as announced in March 2017. It analyzes:

  • President Sotero’s disastrous failure to counteract Russian active measures against the United States.
  • That there was no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia.
  • The history of secret American intervention into foreign country’s politics, so maybe we deserved this, huh?

Initial Findings

  • While President Putin is brave and strong, it does appear that rogue factions within the Russian Federation attacked America and her allies during 2016.
  • Or maybe it was the Jews?
  • Barack Obama, too busy purchasing hair picks with fists on the handle, ignored many of his advisors that warned of Russian interference.
  • No collusion.
  • No collusion.
  • Hillary did Benghazi.
  • The FBI also did Benghazi.

Proposed Recommendations

This draft also includes over 25 recommendations, among them:

  • Appointing Barron as Cyber Czar.
  • Assembling the Avengers.
  • Asking President Putin if he did one more time, but making him Swear he didn’t do it.
  • Like, on a Bible.
  • Executing Hillary Rodham Clinton in public.


No collusion.

This draft will be available to the public on the 17th, but Sean Hannity will get it on the 12th.


(After this utter hogwash.)


  1. “Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and …”

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