I was going to do a whole thing, Enthusiasts, and list the top ten movies from 2006, 1996, etc., and point out how crappy America’s taste in films has always been, but it turns out that Donnie Yen is now a blind Jedi master who does kung fu, and everything in my life has changed: I didn’t know this much wonderful was possible.

A blind Jedi master? Cool. Kung fu Jedi? Indisputably awesome. But a blind Jedi master who does kung fu and is played by Donnie Yen? That is so much wonderful. There are four discrete variables in that equation, but the last one is the most important: I love Steve Buscemi, but he would be wrong for this role. The only way this part could be more specifically appealing to me is if Donnie Yen were equipped with a flying guillotine (but with the blades made from lightsabers or some Star Warsy shit like that).

Speaking of equations, I guess from now on we’re going with

(Frowny British Lady) + (Sexy Hispanic Dude) + (The Old Vehicles ± 10% design variation) ÷ Evil Guy in Cape × Lightspeed/Parsec = Star Wars movie product.

But again: Donnie Yen as a blind Jedi master who does kung fu, and also Forest Whitaker and his sloppy eyeball. Thumbs up.