Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To


You look happy.

“Found a teevee show I like. Too many white motherfuckers, but it’s funny. Makes me laugh.”

What show, Mr. Davis?

“Don’t know the name. About this white bitch wants to have everything. Works at some sort of comedy show. There’s a black man on the show, but he’s a buffoon. Talks like he’s got nine dicks in his mouth.”

Are you talking about 30 Rock?

“Told you I didn’t know the name, motherfucker. White motherfucker in a suit with a giant head got a voice like mine is on the show, too. Very funny. One episode I saw had a cartoon cat on it. They called him Meatcat. Used to know a trombone player named Meatcat.”

Yeah, you’re talking about 30 Rock.

“All sorts of misunderstandings and confusion going on. Leads to comedic situations. Kept my attention even though it was some racist bullshit. That white bitch who stars in it never knows what she wants. Family? Career? Bitch don’t know. Reminds me of Cicely.”

Tina Fey reminded you of Cicely Tyson?

“Yeah. When she started getting out of hand, I wanted to slap her.”

Jesus, Mr. Davis.

“One show, they did it live. Like that was some fucking big deal. I did my show live every night. White people always want you be impressed when they do some shit black folks do every day.”

I guess. But, um, I got some bad news for you.


Was that your pistol?

“You know it was.”

I did. Just checking. But 30 Rock is going off Netflix.



“This is what the white man does. Gets you to enjoy something, then takes it away.”

There’s other shows.

“I ain’t watching no fucking Friends, motherfucker.”

I wasn’t going to suggest that.

“Shouldn’t be suggesting nothing to me. You a genius?”

Well, according to the New Yorker


I deserved that.

“One of these days, I’m not gonna miss. You lucky I’m a sweetheart.”

“That’s right, man. Miles is a prince.”

“Who said that?”

“Hey, man.”

“Garcia! Hey, motherfucker. Get your fat Mexican ass over here.”

“How you been, Miles?”

“Dead. How about you?”


“You holding?”

“Shit, yeah.”

“Good. I like that. Tell that chatterbox motherfucker to beat it.”

“Sure. Hey.”


“Yeah, man. Cop a walk.”

But I–


HOLY SHIT, Garcia! Did you just shoot at me?

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to for a while.”

“Heh heh. Shoot at him again.”


  1. That was great!

  2. Toots MacFarlane

    October 2, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    The nexus of all of my favorite things.

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