Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

From The Top #9

Things TotD Can Tell You About Montana Without Looking At Wikipedia (Or Any Other Site):

  • Its capital is Helena.
  • The left part of the state nestles into Idaho in a sexual way.
  • Named “Montana” because of all the mountains.
  • Joe Montana is not from there.
  • Neither is Joe Mantegna.
  • There are Black Hills.
  • Custer? Was that Montana?
  • Sam Neill’s character from The Hunt for Red October never got his dream, which was to move to Montana.
  • He was never going to get there, honestly. The second he started telling Sean Connery his dreams and hopes, everyone in the theater knew he was a goner.
  • If you’re in the kind of movie where people die, don’t tell people your plans.
  • Or cough. If you cough in a movie, you die.
  • Cold as shit and a million miles away from anything.
  • And because of that, for a while there was no speed limit on their highways: it just said “Reasonable and Prudent.”
  • The federal government, however, was having none of Montana’s foolishness and threatened to take away all their road money, so they put up a couple “80 mph” signs, but there’s really no speed limit between Helena and Livingston.
  • Montana grows more dental floss than any other state.
  • Not as scenic as Idaho, but not as infested with White Supremacists, so that’s a draw.
  • Has never hosted a World Cup.
  • Nor a Papal visit.
  • The Dead played there once on May 15 14, 1974 with the mighty Wall of Sound. The fine show, with its huge Dark Star>Morning Dew China Doll can be heard in all its glory on Dave’s Picks 9.
  • While it was in-state, the Wall was the fourth largest city in Montana.
  • There will be no riots in Montana, mostly because there aren’t enough people to classify as a riot. The largest outbreak of violence possible is a bar fight.
  • It and California somehow have the same amount of power in the Senate. Thanks, Founding Fathers, you short-sighted, slave-owning fuckwits.


  1. Mostly correct, except the bit about black hills.

  2. We’ll that’s basically true about the nighttime. Plus that’s a pretty good list for someone who’s obviously never been to Montana (because anyone who has knows it’s way more scenic than Idaho)!

  3. Never been there as well, but I do enjoy “A River Runs Through It,” which also takes place in Missoula.

    Always love a Zappa shout out.

    Now, I hate to be an asshole, but someone has to do it. It was the 14th of May, not the 15th. And they didn’t play Morning Dew. The Dark Star melded into China Doll. Perhaps you were listening to the new Dave’s Fave from Winterland earlier in the year where yes, the Dark Star -> Dew probably made people cream in their jeans

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