Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Full Metal Rando

jm rando from the lot.jpg

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAA–”

Stop this.

“–NDOOOOOOOOO.”

Why are you so into this?

“This is personal. I don’t wanna get into it.”

Okay.

“Fine, I’ll tell you.”

Fuck.

“My father died in the Second World Rando War.”

That is neither true, nor a thing.

“Very true. Just like Bob Geldof in The Wall. I wrote a song about it. It’s called When The Randos Ran Free.”

Stop talking.

“I am the King of Randopolis.”

You okay?

“I’ve never been in a band before. I mean, in high school. After that, it was guys I hired. This is different.”

How so?

“I can’t tell them what to do.”

Oh, shouldn’t do that. You didn’t try, did you?

“Once.”

What happened?

“You know the part of the contract that forbids Billy from me in the dick?”

Yeah.

“We had to amend it to cover Billy paying someone else to do it.”

Billy will find a loophole.

“Right. So, you know: we’re equals.”

Okay.

“Except for Jeff and Oteil.”

Obviously.

“But here’s the thing: I don’t want to be equals. And since I can’t achieve that contractually, I will destroy their spirits with the strategic use of randos.”

This will not end well.

“Someday, this Rando War is gonna end.”

Please don’t say I love–

“I love the smell of randos in the morning.”

–the smell of…yeah, that.”

“I’m gonna win this.”

THERE’S NO WINNING A RANDO WAR, DAMN YOU!

“Was that your Oscar moment?”

Did I nail it?

“No.”

I didn’t think so.

1 Comment

  1. Oh man you got me twice. Check out from the lot (@fromthelot) on instagram, you may like it or you may want to punch me in the dick! Regardless John was very nice to us and it was a pleasure to meet him. Thanks for randoing me twice on your blog hahaha…

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