As you know, TotD aims to be your one-stop shop for all news of the Grateful Dead (Or What’s Left Of ‘Em) and provide you with the unvarnished truth about the secrets Big Dead doesn’t want you to know. It is with this in mind that I pass along this information about the upcoming Folsom Field show in Boulder. There is, however, a second page but I couldn’t get it to upload, so I will copy the facts as best I can:
ADDITIONAL PARKING LOT RULES
- We cannot stress enough how serious we are about your filthy hippie asses being out of the parking lot by midnight. At 12:01, Bigfoot, Gravedigger, and other monster trucks will be released into the lot to crush your Microbuses and Priuses.
- There are portable toilet facilities located all over, so do not poop in the parking lot. This isn’t Phil’s bocce court.
- Behavior such as mean-mugging, eyeballing, crip walking, stone cold lamping, and snake-handling may be grounds for a thorough ass-kicking.
ADDITIONAL PROHIBITED ITEMS/ACTIVITIES
- Smelling like booze.
- Wearing an alcohol-related t-shirt.
- Fishing under the influence of alcohol.
- Fishing at all. (There is only a pool on campus, and none of you should even be in that building.)
- Weapons, explosives, blades over three inches, blunt objects, hurtful words.
- If you have been described as a “living weapon,” then you may not come to Folsom Field.
- Do not be bringing your Bernie Sanders petitions up in here: he needs to concede and it’s starting to piss all of us at Folsom Field off.
- Red Sox hats.
- Pressure cooker with a small crack in it.
- Glass-blowing furnaces.
- Terrorism is prohibited at Folsom Field.
Keep walking, fucko.