Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Fun Facts About The Ocean

  • The deepest part of the ocean is almost seven miles straight down at a place called Challenger Deep; the shallowest part of the ocean has a million followers on Instagram.
  • In keeping with their vertical symmetry and ability to swim forwards and backwards, all eels are named Lee.
  • Killer Whales made one mistake when they were drunk, and now the world won’t let them forget it.
  • Tides come in, tides go out; no one can explain it except Isaac Newton in the 1600’s.
  • The safest place to be during a tsunami is Calgary.
  • The Indian and Pacific Oceans have not spoken since the incident at the Hofnagel bar mitzvah.
  • 94% of all species can be found in the oceans, but none of them invented ruffled potato chips.
  • Contrary to what popular books would have you believe, small Chinese boys cannot suck up an ocean and hold it in their cheeks while their brothers collect fish to feed the village.
  • Surfing was invented by Polynesians; it was ruined by white people.
  • The Atlantic Ocean was forced to wear the Bermuda Triangle in 1936 by the Nazis because of the Atlantic’s homosexuality.
  • The first person to circumnavigate all the seas was Magellan; the first person to circumcise the seas was a moil named Yankel Brisket.
  • The reason your parents told you not to drink saltwater is because IT’S DELICIOUS and they wanted it for themselves, the greedy fucks.
  • One of an octopus’ arms is his dick, so if you shake hands with an octopus, there is a 12.5% chance you’re giving him a tugger.
  • The best way to avoid being eaten by a shark is to be made out of salad.

7 Comments

  1. hmmmmz i never knew … always thought it was octopussy. tonight only … free smiles for sale includes breath of fresh air!!!

  2. Drinkthewater

    May 11, 2017 at 11:47 am

    If the octopus is named Billy, there’s a 100% chance that he always offers his dick tentacle in a handshake scenario.

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    May 11, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    insert picture here of a pensive ToTD on the banks of the Bow River.

  4. hugh.c.mcbride

    May 11, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Fun Fact About “Fun Facts About The Ocean:”

    In the fact “Surfing was invented by Polynesians; it was ruined by white people,” you can substitute any noun for “Surfing” and the corresponding ethnic group for “Polynesians” and the sentence will always be correct.

  5. My beloved Dog Oven Mitt first encountered salt water at the Campground for the Hampton Shows March 1986. He waded into the salty water and found it delicious and just kept on drinking. He was very sick afterwords, we spent the off day in DC and by the end of the Philly shows he was on the mend.

    So do not drink the ocean.

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