Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Fyre On The Mountain

What do you think the Fourth Wave of feminism is going to be?

Straight-up murdering men in their sleep.

I’m surprised that wasn’t the First Wave.

If men were women, they wouldn’t put up with men’s shit.

And if they were anteaters, they would know what they were having for lunch.



Is that you?





There’s maybe a million people I pray this isn’t.

Get it over with.


“TotD? It’s Benjy.”

Oh, hey, Benj. What’s up?

“Nothing, everything’s great. Listen, you got a minute and a Paypal account?”

Are you in jail?


What’s worse than jail?

“They hired me to run the Fyre Festival and it’s not working out.”

You’re in charge of that nightmare?

“I didn’t realize it would be this difficult.”

That’s gonna be the quote of the year, isn’t it? Why are you on top of an RV?

“The situation here has gotten a bit iffy.”


“None of this is my fault! Ja said he was taking care of things. I was just supposed to be the on-site manager for the weekend!”

This is your fault, Benj. Didn’t you do any due diligence on this thing? I’m reading reports that everyone but the customers knew this was going to be a disaster for weeks.

“Ja looked me in the eyes.”

Stop calling him Ja.

“He said, ‘Dog, we good. It’s gonna be lit.’ And, you know, that’s as good as a signature.”

It’s not.

“I’m gonna give you a little update on the action here: cannibalism is rampant.”


“These kids were not prepared for calamity. Everybody here grew up in a house with a three-car garage. The collapse of reason and teamwork was almost immediate. Remember the security footage from Event Horizon?”


“It was like that. Several influencers were ripped to shreds.”

Nothing of value was lost.

“I just hope Ja’s okay.”

Fuck Ja! He did this!

“Oh, shit, they got the boats.”


“The kids have commandeered the tenders and are attacking the yachts.”

That’s not good.

“They’re just ramming into them at full-speed. It’s like the Battle of Salamis, but everyone’s wearing Apple Watches.”

Benjy, you should get out of there.

“That’s why I’m calling. Send money.”


“Send Precarious.”

Maybe. You gonna be okay for a minute? Can you defend the RV?

“Oh, yeah. It’s not just me.”

No? Who else is there?

“Heeeey, man.”

Hey, Soup. Should’ve figured when I saw the RV.

“What time is Woody Hayes on, man?”

Benjy, I’ll get back to you.


Oh, yeah.

1 Comment

  1. The Event Horizon reference made me spit out my corn flakes. Holy crow.

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