Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Get In The Van

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Oh, uh, getting out of the van.”


“Later, I’m gonna get back in the van.”

Sounds fun.

“I actually did the math a while ago. 8% of a Rock Star’s life is spent getting in and out of vans.”

What about the rest?

“Glad you asked. 10% is deciding on what trousers to wear.”

Makes sense.

“30% is suing or assaulting people trying to steal from you. Or, you know: dangling them out of windows.”

Gotta dangle a guy out a window now and then.

“It’s what the music industry was founded on.”


“10% is Rando-related activities.”


“And tuggers.”


“15% is avoiding Clive Davis when he’s drunk.”


“Handsy. Add in another 10% for, you know, family or whatever.”

About right.

“Another 15% for tuning up.”

That might be strictly a Grateful Dead percentage.

“Could be.”

Wait. That leaves 2%.

“Actually playing music.”

There ya go.


  1. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    February 15, 2017 at 10:03 am

    Bobby mistakes the band van for another and gets caught up in an ICE roundup of illegal aliens.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    February 15, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    you sell Bob your “old” headphones?

  3. Is that the Tactical Messenger’s Bag of Infinite Misdemeanors?

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