Enthusiasts, all leaks flow to Fillmore South. I hear all; you know this. From next week’s specials at Terrapin Crossroads (halibutloaf) to next week’s Dead & Company tempos (slow), TotD has his ear to the grindstone, or maybe there’s fingers in my pie; however those metaphors go.
My point: I know many things, and just like a Russian ambassador in the Oval Office, you’re about to get all the information. There was a first draft of these internal talking points handed out by the GOP this afternoon, and one of my sources in DC sent it to me. I can’t reveal his name, but I will say he is incredibly high-ranking. I’ll refer to him from now on as Deep Althea.
With his help, I can now reveal this explosive document:
First Draft of the GOP’s Talking Points on the Washington Post Story.
- There is no case for obstruction of justice.
- Donald Trump is the best predisent ever.
- Everything’s fine.
- Why will no one discuss the fact that Loretta Lynch is the devil?
- Everyone else is actually the criminal.
There Is No Case For Obstruction Of Justice
- James Comey, who is a liar, said so numerous times under oath.
- Most if not all legal analysts on Fox News agree that there is no case for obstruction.
- How can justice be obstructed when the investigation continued after James Comey was fired? If Predisent Trump intended to obstruct justice with Comey’s removal, then he failed at it. This makes it not a crime. Attempted murder isn’t a crime, so why should attempted obstruction of justice be?
- Again: James Comey said so.
- No one informed the predisent that he shouldn’t obstruct justice.
Everyone Else Is Actually The Criminal, Or Perhaps In The Deep State
- Every decent American should be appalled at the shocking amount of leaks coming from literally every pocket of the government constantly with the force of Niagara Falls, and not spend one second thinking about why there are so many leaks.
- Last night at Bennigan’s, James Comey leaked his order to a waitress. How can he be trusted?
- If these leakers had anything to say, they wouldn’t be saying anything.
- These leaks are flabbergasting.
If There Was Obstruction, Then There Can’t Be Collusion
- Can’t be both. Checkmate, libtards.
Donald Trump Is Not Just The Greatest American Predisent That America Has Ever Had, But The Greatest American Predisent That Any Country Has Ever Had
- Since Predisent Trump is the most patriotic man in America, any act performed by him most therefore be a patriotic one; ipso facto, any obstruction or collusion was good for the country.
- The infrastructure, healthcare, budget, and tax bills are great, and will be ready in about two weeks.
- In a recent cabinet meeting, Predisent Trump was praised by all in attendance.
Loretta Lynch Is The Motherfucking Devil And Behind Everything And The Worst Criminal This Country Has Seen Since Al Capone
- This “woman” met Bill Clinton on a plane. A plane! Probably fucked her. Whore.
- She is also a black, who worked for a black.
- James Comey briefly stopped lying to exonerate the entire campaign and administration of all crimes.
- No Russia, no Russia.
- Leakers should be executed.
- This is normal.