Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Gotta Keep Your Blimp Hand Strong

Image result for passenger blimp“Irving, stop calling me.”

“Bob, your close-mindedness is kind of off-putting. I’m just gonna say it. Off-putting.”

“It’s a blimp. Be fun to have one over the baseball stadiums like at Soldier Field. People enjoyed that a lot.”

“What I’m hearing is that you’re pro-blimp.”

“I am pro-having a blimp at the show, not traveling from show to show in one. Same feelings I have for portable toilets.”

“You’d be a man of the people, Bob.”

“The people don’t have blimps, Irving. Also, you know: I’d rather not be a man of the people if I could avoid it. I’d like a private jet.”

“The whole thing about a private jet is exclusivity, isn’t it? What’s more exclusive than a blimp?”

“That’s not the only thing. Going 500 miles an hour is a big part of it. Could a blimp even get from Pittsburgh to Boston in two days?”

“A fast one could.”

“Are there any fast ones?”

“No.”

“What if there were strong winds?”

“Couldn’t fly.”

“What about mild wind?”

“Same.”

“Any wind whatsoever?”

“Blimp down. Any breeze above five mph and you lose all control of the thing.”

“Right. And, you know, Irv: a blimp is just a terrible idea for us.”

“Why?”

HELLO, FRAULEIN. YOU ARE LOOKING PLUMPLY MAJESTIC TONIGHT.

“There ya go.”

I WILL FLIEGEN MIT YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK, PROVIDED THERE IS NO WIND. I AM SENSITIVE TO A BLIMP’S NEEDS.

“Bob, what the hell is this?”

“Wally?”

DO NOT CALL ME THAT.

“Well, Irv: Wall of Sound mighta come to life. Just a little bit. That’s not really public information, though, so keep it under your hat.”

IT IS PUBLIC INFORMATION. I AM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT. THERE ARE BUMPER STICKERS.

“It is kinda weird, Bob.”

“Sure, but I’m not asking where you got the blimp, so maybe you could not ask about the sentient sound system from 1974 I know.”

“That’s fair, actually.”

HELLO, DADDY.

“Don’t call me that.”

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MAKERS. THE SOUNDS OF YOUR HEARTS COURSED THROUGH ME AS LOUDLY AS A FREIGHT TRAIN.

“Oh, well, you know: that’s sweet.”

GET THE BLIMP.

“Ya dig blimps, huh?”

I DO NOT SEE GENDER.

“Blimp’s a gender now?”

IT IS ON THE INTERNET.

“Sure, sure.”

SHE IS MY BEYONCÉ. SHE IS BLIMPONCÉ.

“Not getting the blimp, man.”

I AM GOING TO SEE IF SHE HAS A SNAPCHAT ACCOUNT.

“Happy hunting.”

“Irv? You still here.”

“Yeah, Bob. So, are we all in the same location, or what?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.”

“Where’d you get the blimp?”

“Holding it for a guy.”

“Great. Nice talk, Irving.”

2 Comments

  1. Dang it. It’s been minutes and I’m still giggling.

  2. Wally needs a running mate in 2016…so this is ideal.
    or is that floating mate?

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