Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Gov. Greg Abbott: Real American

Greg Abbott, the Governor of Texas, loves the Constitution so much that he wants to fundamentally alter it. This might seem strange, but you’re not a lawyer.

The Governor has had a busy day, retweeting a rape accusation against Bill Clinton (Rapeghazi,) and releasing an ambitious plan to convene a Constitutional Convention and amend our founding document nine times.

Nine times.

Governor Abbott is, of course, a koo-koo bird and a dickweed, but he is a sane man; plenty of ideas didn’t make the final list of nine. TotD presents Rejected Proposed Amendments:

  • Texas can do whatever the fuck it wants.
  • Y’all sumbitches can vote or whatever the fuck, but Texas is gonna tell Texas what to do, y’hear me, boy?
  • Texas gets ten or twelve more Senators.
  • We get the Super Bowl every year.
  • Jesus.
  • Ain’t no more speed limit, ‘less you got outta state plates.
  • From now on, President’s gotta be a Real American.
  • In fact, All Americans gotta be Real Americans.
  • Each state will get two Challenge Flags it can throw on any given Supreme Court decision.
  • The Federal Government is prohibited from random bodily searches, specifically grabbing at my damn ballsack every damn time I get on a plane.
  • Beginning to think they’re gettin’ their jollies off doing it.
  • I will not settle down: I’m the goddamned Governor of the great state of Texas and I got guys in polyester shirts grabbing at my damn ballsack twice a damn week.
  • Yes, Jenkins: of course you should be writing this down; we’re brainstorming and all my ideas are good in brainstorming.
  • Now I lost my train of thought, got all worked up about my damn ballsack.
  • How ’bout a Purge?


  1. 15 rejected amendments, 9 real ones, and nothing about Roy Head? Yes, that Roy Head?

  2. Damn well said about that guy. The more the power of the Federal Govt. keeps growing and the weaker the stat Govts get the better off we all are!

    • I hadn’t heard about this nutjobs proposals until I saw this post.

      These are TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE proposals.
      Prohibit Congress from regulating activity that occurs wholly within one State.

      Require Congress to balance its budget.

      Prohibit administrative agencies–and the unelected bureaucrats that staff them–from creating federal law.

      Prohibit administrative agencies–and the unelected bureaucrats that staff them–from preempting state law.

      Allow a two-thirds majority of the States to override a U.S. Supreme Court decision.

      Require a seven-justice super-majority vote for U.S. Supreme Court decisions that invalidate a democratically enacted law.

      Restore the balance of power between the federal and state governments by limiting the former to the powers expressly delegated to it in the Constitution.

      Give state officials the power to sue in federal court when federal officials overstep their bounds.

      Allow a two-thirds majority of the States to override a federal law or regulation.
      I want my Federal Government to be all powerful and more in control of every aspect of my life much more than it is now. Why, when I was in my teens and twenties you didn’t have the Feds in your business every time you blinked. It was a fearful time having so much freedom from rules and regulations affecting almost every decision you made.

      Goddamn the idea that the U.S. Government serves us and that it’s not 100% the other way around.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.