Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Grammy Recap With Only Twitter’s Trending Topics As Research

  • Beyoncé has done something, perhaps slayed.
  • I’m guessing just a song, though: like, the babies didn’t pop out of her while she was dancing in her high heels.
  • If two children slid out of Beyoncé, then that would have its own hashtag.
  • (By the way: this is how much health education TotD received in his New Jersey public school. I genuinely believe that jiggling around too much during pregnancy might cause the baby to just PLOMP drop out of you.)
  • Ryan Seacrest and Bruno Mars are both there; if you stacked them on top of each another, then you would have one human-sized man.
  • Is Ezekial a rapper or are the people on Twitter talking about the Bible?
  • I do not know, and I will not check.
  • What!?
  • Alicia Keys is at an award ceremony!?
  • Well, pluck my chickens!
  • Enthusiasts, I just hit refresh and it appears as if James Corden is hosting and now I am sure that I have made the correct decision to not watch this program.
  • I love it when he sings.
  • When I was growing up, talk show hosts told jokes and said smart things; I despised that, and wished they would aimlessly drive around Los Angeles singing.
  • Okay, I’m fine now.
  • Fuck it, I have to break my rule for this one:
  • Look, it’s Lil Yachty!
  • You’re obsessed with this.
  • The English language is a gift we were given by our ancestors who stole it from everyone else.
  • Leave Lil Yachty alone. He’s wearing a very nice suit.
  • I do truly enjoy his suit.
  • Can’t go wrong with a classic shawl collar.
  • Shh.
  • Oh, good: David Bowie won a Grammy.
  • His first.
  • Way to spot talent, Grammy Awards.
  • The obligatory list of non-winners: Zeppelin, Run-DMC, Jimi Hendrix, MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN, Talking Heads, Lil Yachty.
  • Okay, I cheated again and apparently Lady Gaga is singing with Metallica, and there are extras dressed like metal kids “moshing” behind them.
  • This is why Trump won.


  1. Plus Chance the Rapper won some stuff.

    Which is good.

    I now resume caring nothing about the evening’s procedings, except that I am still prepared to fight anybody who poses an Adele vs Beyonce debate in my presence.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      February 12, 2017 at 10:55 pm

      They’re both fine. Each singer has her attributes; both women have exceptional voices and several songs I enjoy.

      That is the extent of my opinion.

    • And Prince was tributed. Which is good. Opinions on such may vary.

      • Thoughts On The Dead

        February 12, 2017 at 11:34 pm

        Opinions on Bruno Mars may vary, this is true.

        But there is no opinion when it comes to Morris Day & The Time, only fact: they are funky.

        • Funky as fuck. Luckily, as far as I know, no video exists of me and my best friend Jim covering Jungle Love at our high school talent show circa 1985.

          • As far as I know, no video exists of me being picked out of the crowd (with several others) by Jerome to dance on stage with The Time during Jungle Love at BAM a few years ago. One of my lifetime memories. Funky as fuck.

  2. “Ezekiel, commonly referred to by his epithet “King” Ezekiel, is a main character and a survivor of the outbreak in AMC’s The Walking Dead.”

    Braking the tradition of ‘with out research’ I just cut and pasted the wiki. My wife and I watched this show as soon as I got home from VooDoo Dead.

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