Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Grand Ole Dress Code


This, Enthusiasts, is what you’re supposed to wear at the Ryman Auditorium; you should also be at least this Gentile. Bobby, who is currently doing a victory lap around the music industry like a retiring sports legend, is there tonight; he’s wearing a sports coat, at least, but he is also of course wearing his Birkenstocks. This is simply not done, and in fact may be the first time a man has ever worn sandals on that particular stage.

TotD now presents Other Clothing Never Worn Onstage At The Grand Ole Opry:

  • Tie-dye.
  • Uggs.
  • Pink sweatpants with JUICY written across the butt.
  • Dashiki.
  • Barrister’s wig. (There have been a shitload of wigs worn at the Ryman–hell, Dolly’s wearing one in the picture–but not a powdered, curly, symbolic, foreign wig.)
  • Assless chaps. (Again: there have certainly been chaps at the Ryman, but none of that David Lee Roth tushee-window bullshit.)
  • Armor, plate.
  • Armor, chain.
  • Armor, all.
  • Rainbow-colored Speedo.
  • Turtleneck. (It’s just a weird rule; no one knows why they’re banned, but the last person to flout the proscription was Randy Travis; ever since then, he’s had his career and life systematically ruined by a shady group of country music insiders known as the Hillbilluminati.)


  1. Luther Von Baconson

    September 22, 2016 at 11:21 am

    leave it to The Trustfund Kid

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    September 23, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    waylon rocking a cravat & white button-down and doing a Gord cover

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