Young lady.

“Kiss my ass. It’s the after-party.”

What about after the after-party?

“Then it’s the hotel lobby.”

Nice.

“The concert was fun, but it was a bit much. It’s always a bit much.”

Deadheads can be like that.

“Motherfuckers wanna hug up on a girl.”

You should bring Parish.

“He gets overprotective. Just starts bopping wooks on the head with his giant fist.”

Like Little Bunny Foo-Foo?

“Just like that, except with concussions.”

Looks like good doobie.

“What’s my last name, bitch?”

I’m sure it’s good doobie.

“Better. You need to recognize.”

Have you been drinking?

“Yes.”

Okay, then. Wait. Why are you in the Chicago Four Seasons if the show was in Colorado?

“Putin had it brought here.”

What?

“Turns out he’s awesome. That guy can get shit done. Good people.”

Putin is totally not good people.

“Did you know he was in the Flaming Groovies?”

Uh-huh. Excuse me. Vladimir!

“Da?”

What are you doing?

“Looking for Guam.”

That’s a map of Russia.

“Guam historically part of Russia.”

Stop that. Why are you making friends with the Garcia family?

“Putin is friendly.”

No, you most certainly are not.

“Trixie Grateful is vonderful conversationalist. Ve share love of old school hip hop.”

Not true.

“EPMD very underrated.”

That is true, but stop this.

“Putin vill get kompromat on Trixie Grateful. From there, Putin use her to influence Bernie Bros.”

Just say blackmail. You’re speaking English.

“Putin say vhat Putin vant.”

What kind of thing are you going to hold over Trixie?

“Have video of her smoking marijuanas.”

And?

“And vhat? In Russia, this is enough to send you to gulag.”

You don’t have gulags any more.

“Suuuuuure, ve don’t.”

Well, in America, that’s either legal or a hundred-buck fine. And being caught smoking pot is not going to harm Trixie’s reputation. She’s literally a hippie princess.

“Putin vill figure out vay to make Trixie Grateful Russian asset.”

This is an odd storyline, Vlad.

“Is vhat is.”