Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Gym Rat(dog)

IMG_1404“Oh, hi. I didn’t see you there, mostly because I’m facing the opposite direction, but I couldn’t help but assume you were admiring my overall backyard area: calves, hammies, and of course my ‘tocks, wrapped in the finest denim that Creepy Ernie helped me into almost a dozen times when I bought them.

“My name’s Bob Weir. Yes, that Bob Weir, but today I’m not speaking to you as co-author of the popular children’s book Panther Dream, but as a licensed gym-attender and shorts-wearer. Let me help you get the short shorts body you’ve always wanted.

“Science: short shorts are freedom. Fact: short shorts are the best. Truth: everyone wants to wear short shorts. Why don’t they? Fear.

“Fear is the short shorts-killer.

“Let that fear wash over you, though, and when it’s gone: Bobby will be there. And, I’ll have kettleballs or those stupid ropes dummies are always hucking up and down or maybe we’ll go for a swim or bike ride like civilized people. Neither of us will know what exercise we’re doing, or what equipment will be necessary for it, or even when and where to meet until we’re already sweating.

“I call it Bobbercise.

“We will hit the gym and life weights; we will hit the gymnasium and swing clubs around while wearing grey sweatsuits; we will hit the gymnasia and oil ourselves thoroughly and engage in pankration.

“Then we shall eat, and take pictures of our food, and weigh our food, and take pictures of the food on the scale; not in that order.”

“Dammit, Weir: could you concentrate on the damn song, please?”

“HE DOES IT, TOO!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, MICKEY!”

“COME BACK HERE AND MAKE ME!”

14 Comments

  1. maggiemay

    damn those legs

    • bozosnbolos

      https://youtu.be/aNEO7BYtqVA

      • thoughtsonthedead

        oh, dear lord…

      • bozosnbolos

        There should be a warning on this

      • cuznt

        is that Mickey in the beginning playing “Lost Sailor”?

    • maggiemay

      Bobby was once on the local little TV station which my dad was the producer of and I’m pretty sure the reason Weir came on the show was to promote this book. Many years later my dad would read it to us kids.

      • thoughtsonthedead

        THAT IS Y U R THE WAY U R

      • maggiemay

        I actually have no recollection of it, but that’s probably true. I AM pretty great! (Read: fucked up, esp. for my age.)

    • cuznt

      we received this as a gift for our children from neighbors. I think it got recycled before it was opened. These same peeps bought wendy’s book with the conversations with Jerry. We have not been neighbors for a long time.

      • maggiemay

        LMAO

        Yeah tbh when my dad told me that he read this book to us when we were kids I thought it was a little weird and fanboy-ish of him bc he’s not usually like that (he hates when we buy him GD stuff bc he’s like yeah ok it’s cool but I don’t really care as much as you may think) lel

  2. Morning Douche

    Sick kicks Bob
    http://youtu.be/90fRlMQTdSs

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